


Worthy

by shannyfish



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Agents of J'onzz, CADMUS - Freeform, Captivity, Gen, Human Experimentation, Imprisonment, Jeremiah Danvers is alive, Mad Scientists, Medical Experimentation, Post Manhunter, Project Cadmus, That didn't work out how we had hoped, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 13:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 38,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6705433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannyfish/pseuds/shannyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and J’onn are caught while attempting to get into Project Cadmus and find themselves test subjects in the horrific place they’d thought they’d avoided being prisoners of.    Takes place after 1x17 “Manhunter”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cadmus

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to say this, if you normally read my stuff and are like unsure about this because of the ship...it's SUPER SUPER slow burn and I swear it'll be realistic. I just didn't want you to read this whole thing and be all into it and then be like WTF?!?!?! Where did that come from?!??!!? This is one of the ships that are not as popular that I said I'd do. So, here it is...

_ "You are complete in your brokenness.  If there is anyone worthy of love, it is you." _

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Alex!"

 

"J'onn!"

 

"Alex!"  

 

His scream echoed in her ears as Alex was dragged away by multiple guards, her feet trying to dig into the ground...to plant herself and keep them from separating her from J'onn...but it wasn't working.  Angry tears streamed down her face as she tried to grasp at them, but she was handcuffed and she couldn't make contact with anyone.  

 

He stared back at her, full of panic and worry and concern and fear.  They knew that Cadmus wasn't a good place.  It was full of experiments and dissection.  It was no place for an alien or a human.  They would be tested and used and locked away.  

 

Alex had thought that they'd make it.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


They'd been surveilling Cadmus for nearly an entire day.  They were both exhausted, dirty, hungry, and thirsty.  Technically, they could take the guards on the outside, but the inside was a complete mystery to them.  That was the difficult and dangerous part.  That's why they were hesitant.  

 

The sound of J'onn's sharp intake caught her off guard as she turned to look over at him.  " _ Alex _ ," he whispered, but it sounded like he screamed it.  He was tackling her a blink later, covering her body with his as the sound of gunshot filled in around them.  He must have sensed them...but not soon enough.  

 

The sound of people close was enough to tell her that they weren't going anywhere.  As she stared up at his face, she tried to catch her breath.  The weight of his body making it more difficult for Alex to breathe.  

 

Before they could do anything, J'onn was being pulled back off of her and that's when she saw it.  He'd been shot in the shoulder and it didn't look good.  Of course, he could heal.  Alex wasn't sure if that was good or bad for them, but then Cadmus probably knew all about J'onn.  He didn't struggle, but she did.  She pulled and tried to kick, she did everything she could, but she couldn't get free before they tasered her and cuffed her.  There were just too many of them.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


" _ Please _ ," Alex whispered weakly.     
  
She'd been pleading with them for hours now.  They'd taken blood from her, done a full physical, scanned her, questioned her, and were now ignoring her as she sat strapped to a chair.  That had all been after they'd scrubbed her clean and then forced her to change into a matching set of red sports bra, panties, tank top, and spandex short shorts.  Worst case scenarios were nothing when it came to Cadmus because Alex knew that whatever she could think of, it was likely that it could be so much worse.  All she wanted to do was to know J'onn was okay and to see him for herself.  

 

Never in her life had separation been so hard.

 

"You are quite the interesting find, Ms. Danvers," the doctor said, not even turning to look at her.  "A first to us to have possession of _ two _ members of the same bloodline.  Jeremiah Danvers _ is  _ your father, isn't he?"  This time, the doctor actually turned to look at her.  The twisted and horrid man in a white lab coat turned to look at her with a crooked smile.  "Interesting that he isn't the one who you're pleading to see…"  The old man shrugged.  "If I weren't a man of science, I would have bet that having a soft spot for aliens was genetic…"

 

Alex just stared at him, not willing to give in to what he wanted.  He wanted her to suffer, possibly to tease her, and maybe even to scare her.  It was too late, she was already terrified, but she knew that she couldn't let that fear ruin her.

 

"How long has it been since you've seen him anyways?  Ten years?  Eleven?  Have you lost count?  Do you even remember what he looks like?  The sound of his voice?  They say that the memories of voices fade the fastest.  I wonder if you'll think he looks different?  Sounds different?  If you'll even  _ recognize _ him now," the scientist continued.  "Shall we see?"

 

That piqued her interest.  Her eyes darted around, but she remained quiet.  Her father was the reason that they'd been outside of Cadmus.  This was their goal all along, to rescue him.  If somehow, she could come face to face with him...and then figure out how to get free, she knew that she could get her father (and J'onn) out of Cadmus.  Being on the run again suddenly sounded like a dream come true.

 

"Would you like that?" he asked with too bright of a smile.  "You must take after your father...not running your mouth off like I'd expect…"

 

Instead of bringing her father, though, she was sedated.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Dad," Alex whispered from under the covers.  "Are there monsters?"

 

"Well,  _ yes _ , Alex," her father responded.  "There  _ are  _ monsters in this world...but there are  _ none _ under your bed."

 

Peeking out, Alex just saw her father staring back at her with a bright smile.  "Time for you to close your eyes now."  Her father tucked a stuffed grey bunny under her arm and under the covers with her.  "I won't let any monsters hurt you."

 

"Promise?"

 

He held out his pinky and Alex curled her own little pinky around it.  "Promise," her father swore.

 

And Alex believed him.

 

"I'll always protect you, Sweetheart…" he whispered before pressing a kiss to her forehead.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


When Alex blinked, she expected to find herself where she was before...with the crazy old guy ranting on and on with no end in sight...or at the very least with J'onn...but that's not what she found.  Instead, she woke and found herself in a sterile room on a rather uncomfortable bench.  When she looked around, she found that she wasn't alone.  

 

"You're awake…  How are you feeling?"

 

Alex scooted back instinctively as she blinked at the man dressed in white walking towards her.  "Where's J'onn?" she found herself asking, checking to make sure that it was just them.  There was a door that had a rather large thick window in it, but they were the only ones in the room.

 

"It's just you and I, I'm afraid...I'm Jeremiah Danvers."

 

Alex blinked again.  "I'm Alex Danvers."

 

She watched as her father's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open before words followed a breath later.  "Alex," he whispered and took a step back.

 

As she stared at him, taking in her long lost father, she couldn't speak.  All Alex could do was take in how he looked different.  Though she couldn't exactly remember, she swore that he sounded just the same.  

 

"You look...old," Jeremiah blurted out, sounding quite surprised.

 

Laughter spewed out of her automatically at that response.  It didn't take more than a breath to contain herself again.  "You've got grey hairs…"

 

"I had grey hairs before," her father countered.

 

"Not  _ that  _ many…"

 

He was quiet for a moment.  "How long has it been?"

 

"Eleven years…"

 

" _ Eleven _ ," he breathed and covered his mouth.  He seemed to really be absorbing that.  Taking in that truth.  From what Alex could tell, he had no concept that that much time had passed.  "Your mother...your sister…"

 

"They're _ safe _ ," Alex assured.

 

"You've thought I was dead--"

 

"What  _ else  _ could we  _ think _ ?" Alex asked with a shrug as she finally got to her feet.  "Mom was told that you died in a plane crash--"

 

"No--"

 

"We found out what happened a few months ago," Alex assured.  "J'onn J'onzz...he's the one who I was here with…  They separated us…"

 

"He's from Mars…" her father said, as if he were jogging his own memory.  He seemed to really think about that for a minute before looking at her.  "But why are you  _ here _ , Alex?"

 

"We came here for  _ you _ ," Alex told him as she stopped a foot away.  "We were caught outside while surveilling…"

 

"Tell me something cheerier…  What did you grow up to be?" Jeremiah asked.

 

Alex looked down at her hands gathered in front of her before looking back up at him, wondering what her father would think of her career choices.  She'd thought about that all her life.  What would her father think if he could just walk into her life again and get to know her.  "I'm a bioengineer," Alex said slowly, letting that sit with him.  She was nervous.  How would he react?  Like her mother had at first?  "And I'm an agent at the DEO...well, I was...I...it's _ complicated. _ "

 

"The DEO?" he echoed.

 

"It's not the  _ same _ as when you were part of it," Alex assured quickly before disappointment or any other negative words escaped him.  "J'onn has been running it, disguised as Henshaw."

 

Before anything could be said, guards entered and grabbed her pulling her towards the door  while others pushed her father against the far wall.  Alex kicked and screamed, trying to reach out for her father.  After all of these years, she was finally reunited with him...it wasn't supposed to be like this.  She was supposed to be there to rescue him, to save him and take him home.  

 

Now,  _ she _ was the one who needed rescuing.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  
  



	2. A Twist of the Knife

The screams echoed throughout and J'onn found himself pacing even more.  

 

Whatever technology Colonel Harper had used in the truck when they were originally en route to Cadmus was being used there.  The bullet had been dug out of him and he'd been pumped with pain medication after it had been patched up and then he'd been thrown into a white cell after being changed into a set of yellow clothes that didn't cover his limbs at all and left him feeling far too vulnerable.  So even though they hadn't seemed like savages at first, the symphony of screams that he heard quickly countered that.

 

All he could think was that any one of those screams could be Alex.

 

_ His Alex _ .

 

The screams were male and female and hard to distinguish.

 

Eventually, it drove him to the point of slamming his fists up against the obviously reinforced window on the door.  The screams were too much coupled with the possible thought of Alex being harmed.  If he hadn't revealed himself...if he hadn't given her cause to be able to deceive Harper and Lane in the first place...all he could do was blame himself…

 

But it wasn't enough.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"You are most intriguing…"

 

He was fairly sure that even without his powers that they were scared to enter his cell.  They were observing him from outside the room.  A panel along the wall on which the door was situated slid back and open to reveal a long rectangular window for observation apparently.  J'onn didn't mind it because it also gave him a view of every single person that passed his cell.  It meant that he could keep an eye out for Alex as well as study the environment beyond the white box he currently resided in.

 

He'd learned much already.

 

Guards wore black and didn't seem to carry anything deadly (as far as he could tell).  After all, they would  _ want _ to keep their prisoners alive (or at least he was fairly _ certain _ that most of them were worth more alive rather than dead).  The medical staff wore white.  The intured residents of Cadmus, however, seemed to wear three different colors: yellow, red, and teal.  J'onn wasn't quite sure what the colors were for.  Of course they could designate alien versus human, but then why three colors?  Were there hybrids there?  Or was it more on the scale of who was more dangerous?  

 

All he knew was that he was going to get out of there.

 

He was going to find Alex.

 

They would find Jeremiah.

 

And they'd get out.

 

"You don't say much J'onn J'onzz…" the doctor continued from outside of the cell.  "Do you not appreciate our hospitality?"

 

He looked over at the doctor.  Was he expecting some kind of thank you?  Validation that they'd done the right thing?  "Thank you for tending to my wound," he said as politely as he could muster.  "I would appreciate being reunited with my agent…"

 

" _ Right _ , Agent Danvers…" 

 

The doctor seemed to be studying how he took that name as much as he was waiting to see if the doctor would give something away in regards to Alex.  He waited, but the doctor seemed good at his poker face.  If only he had his powers--

 

"But you had _ another _ Agent Danvers at one point, didn't you?" the doctor continued a breath later.  " _ Oh wait _ , that was Hank Henshaw...whose persona you have been assuming for  _ over _ a decade now.   _ Two _ Agent Danvers over the course of almost twelve years at the DEO…"

 

"I knew Jeremiah Danvers, he was a good man."

 

"I wonder what he'd say about how you've  _ ruined _ his daughter's career and gotten her mixed up in all of this…" the doctor said before clicking his tongue in disapproval.  "I've seen her records.  Doctor Alexandra Danvers.   _ Quite intelligent _ .  She could have been a good addition to Cadmus.  If only  _ we'd  _ recruited her first."

 

It wasn't easy for J'onn to hold his temper, but he did.  

 

" _ I know. _ ..we should talk to Agent Danvers," the doctor continued.

 

J'onn moved quickly, likely too quickly...too eager...to the observation window.  Who he saw on the other side, though, wasn't who he expected to see.  " _ Jeremiah _ ," he breathed.  The man that he had promised all those years ago that he'd protect his girls...his family...the man he thought had died...he was there...alive and dressed in white like the doctor beside him.  " _ No _ …  It  _ can't  _ be…"

 

"They found me, J'onn...and brought me here," Jeremiah said with a smile on his face as he moved closer to the glass.  "It took them a while to  _ properly _ heal me...but now...look at me…"

 

"What did they do?"

 

"They _ fixed  _ me," Jeremiah said as if they'd simply slapped a band-aid on him.

 

J'onn just stared at him.  How would Alex respond?  He was certain that for Alex's sake, that it would be better to think that he was dead...that he'd been brought to Cadmus but hadn't survived.  How he wished he could go back and take back telling her that Jeremiah Danvers was still alive, if only he'd held onto that information and looked for Cadmus and Jeremiah on his own.

 

"All this time...your family's thought you were  _ dead _ ," J'onn pointed out.  He wondered what they'd done to Jeremiah.  He hadn't been a man who could have just given up his wife and girls for this...not for a  _ job _ .  He _ loved _ them.   _ He loved Alex _ .   _ No _ , this wasn't right.  They  _ had _ to have done  _ something _ to him.  

 

"You kept an eye on them for me, though,  _ haven't you _ ?" Jeremiah asked and then didn't wait for him to respond.  "I've seen Kara all over the TV and papers.   _ Supergirl _ .  I  _ know _ that you have had a hand in that…  I can't  _ wait  _ until we can bring her in."  He seemed excitedly maniacal at that thought.  It made J'onn sick.  "And  _ Alex _ …"

 

Alex.

 

"I've kept tabs on her...I had _ hoped _ that I could convince my bosses to bring her in...but  _ you _ reached out to her before I could get them to," he said and seemed almost sad about it.  Jeremiah tilted his head to the side.  " _ Oh well _ …  She's here now.  I'm not sure how well I can control her, though…   _ Stubborn genes _ ."  He shrugged.  " _ Either way _ , she'll be of  _ some use _ …  She's worried about you,  _ of course _ , but she was  _ so happy _ to see her long lost father…  That just might be enough…"

 

Alex must have no idea, he thought, as he just stared at Jeremiah.  

 

" _ Please _ , don't hurt her."

 

"I don't _ want  _ to, J'onn,  _ but _ ...you've made  _ quite _ an impression on  _ my girl _ , haven't you?" Jeremiah questioned.  "I'm actually a little jealous...she might have been  _ more concerned  _ with  _ your safety  _ than my miraculously being alive."

 

"I _ saw _ that you were alive."

 

Jeremiah shrugged at that.  "But for a girl who loved her father like Alex loved me...and not seeing me for so long...you would have thought that there would be something more…"

 

J'onn didn't know what the man expected.  They'd been assaulted and separated.  Alex was likely as panicked as he was.  He couldn't even imagine how confusing it had to have been to see her father.  "I'll do anything you want,  _ just let Alex go _ …"

 

"Oh, you're going to do anything we want  _ no matter what _ …"

 

Before J'onn could say anything, though, the other doctor stepped forward again with a sickening grin on his pale face.  He held his tablet towards the glass.  What J'onn saw made him sick and made him uncontrollably angry.  

 

"No!  Stop!  Tell them to stop!" he screamed as he attacked the glass.  

 

The reinforced glass didn't stop, but when the wall slid back in place, they pumped in the audio from the tablet.  He covered his ears and closed his eyes as he lowered himself down onto the floor.  In his mind, all he could see were the scenes on the tablet...forever engraved in his brain...and now Alex's screams in his ears.

 

Alex in only a sports bra and shorts strapped into a unique chair that she was strapped to, only her arched back was not covered and the doctor was doing some kind of procedure that looked like a spinal tap of some kind.  Alex's tortured face had been perfectly positioned to capture every moment of agony.  

 

"STOP HURTING HER!"

 

But it didn't stop.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Time passed.

 

They never turned it off.

 

His cell was filled with her screams.

 

And then there was a pop and a hiss.  

 

The room filled with gas.

 

J'onn didn't even fight it, instead he welcomed it.  He welcomed the void and the gift of unconsciousness.  He just hoped that Alex's tortured state and screams didn't follow him to his sleep, he'd much rather dream of her smiling and happy.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


When he woke, he was still in the room.  J'onn was flat on his back on the floor staring up at the white ceiling.  He breathed in and then exhaled.  He listened and just breathed.  

 

It was silent.

 

He didn't know if he should really feel relief or not.  What if that meant--

 

The moan that was not his brought him up into a sitting position too quickly as he quickly whipped his head around to see where it was coming from and who it was.  "Alex," he whispered in sharp relief and scrambled towards where she lay on the bench in the cell.  

 

Laying curled up on her side, he noticed that Alex was wearing a red tank top over what she'd been wearing before in the video feed, her short dark hair clung to her head but she seemed okay...at least for the moment.  Carefully, he lifted the back of her shirt and immediately cringed at the series of bruised puncture sites along Alex's spine.  "What were they doing to you?" he whispered with great concern.  Lowering her shirt back into position, he sat next to her so that he faced her face.  He reached out hesitantly and pressed the back of his hand against her forehead.  She was warm, but not overly so.  Her forehead was sticky and likely had been sweating before they'd brought her there.

 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to her.  

 

He wanted to think that he could protect her, but everything since the incident with the Red Kryptonite had shown him that there was no way that he could truly keep his promise to protect Alex.  The promise that had been originally to Jeremiah Danvers, but that he'd made his own...Alex had given him his own reasons to keep that promise for other reasons.  As he stared at her, all he could think was that he would give  _ anything _ to take away any pain that she was feeling or would feel as a result of being there in Cadmus.

 

Another moan escaped her lips and her watched as her face twisted in pain.  She stirred for just a moment.  He reached out and gently rested a hand on his shoulder.  " _ Shh _ …  You're safe now.   _ Sleep _ ."  Instead of continuing to reassure her that she was safe... _ which was a lie _ ...neither one of them were safe...he sang something he used to sing at night on Mars as something of a comfort.

 

J'onn just hoped that it comforted Alex.

 

It was all he had.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  



	3. Betrayal

The pain hit her first and left her mouth in a groan, but then she took in that she wasn't alone.  Trying to move too quickly, not realizing who it was at first, she found herself pushed back down and hushed.  The world spun and she felt sick to her stomach.  Her entire spine felt like it was on fire and she wasn't even sure she could move, even though she'd tried to.  Another groan was pushed out of her.

 

"Just rest, Alex," J'onn told her.

 

"J'onn?" she whispered.

 

"I'm here."

 

Relief hit her and she sought out some form of physical connection and found his hand.  She held it, closed her eyes, and fell back asleep...content that for the time being...she was safe.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"What was the song you were singing before?"

 

"Something I used to sing to those I loved," J'onn told her.  

 

Alex rolled her head to the side and blinked a couple of times.  He was watching her, though she'd known that before she'd seen his face staring back at her.  "I tried to stay quiet," she whispered.

 

"What?"

 

"They said that you'd be watching...when they were doing that procedure...when they kept sticking those needles into my back," Alex explained.  She hadn't wanted to appear weak and she hadn't wanted to be used against J'onn.  That wasn't fair.  "I--"

 

"Shh…" he hushed gently before she could even work herself up to being upset.  "They know what they're doing, Alex.  They know our history...it was probably on file here at Cadmus before we even left the DEO before…"

 

Alex brushed it off.  She still felt terrible, physically and still about them using her against J'onn.  "Spinal procedures are generally painful.  They're supposed to apply a local--"

 

"Alex!" he shouted in a hushed whisper.  It wasn't angry, it was to get her attention and to snap her out of what she was dwelling on.

 

She looked at him, silence just passing between them for a few moments.  "Can you help me up?" she requested.  Though her spine was still sore and tender, Alex was fairly sure that most of the intense pain and nausea had passed.  He didn't look too sure and she was ready to start arguing him over it, but instead, he just silently carefully and maybe too slowly helped her into a sitting position.  He sat down at her as she just breathed and tried to hold back the tears.  Her spine definitely was still sore and tender and moving hadn't helped it, the nausea also seemed to have returned in full force.  "Thanks," she forced the whisper as she braced herself with her hands against the bench and her head bowed, her hair providing a curtain that she hoped would keep J'onn from reading her face.

 

"Alex?  Say something…"

 

"I saw my father," was all she could say, her voice breaking a little.  She cringed at the sound of it.  It was all she could think of that would mean pushing the topic from her to something...someone else.  Right now, she didn't wanted to be fussed over...she didn't want to be seen as weak.  

 

Silence.

 

Alex had expected him to say something.  Anything.  It had been a shock to her, even though she'd known to expect him alive in Cadmus.  She'd expected J'onn to at least have something to say about her brief reunion with her father after all of these years.  "J'onn?"

 

"So did I," he whispered and his voice was sad.  It reminded her of the time that he told her about his family on Mars...of the horror.  She couldn't think of a reason why he'd sound so sad about it.  This was why they were here (though this was obviously not the plan).  Their eyes met and somehow his eyes looked sadder.  "Alex, he's not the _ same _ …"

 

"He doesn't remember--"

 

" _ No _ ," he cut off and the way he said it, it caught her attention and made her stop.  "I wish it was  _ just  _ that he'd lost time, Alex."  He looked hesitant and torn up to continue.  "He's _ different _ ."

 

"It's been eleven years--"

 

"He's  _ one  _ of them, Alex," J'onn said quickly and yet gently.  "He's a doctor here.  He's  _ working  _ with them,  _ willingly _ ."  He paused for a painful breath.  "I don't know if he's been brainwashed, I can't tell without my powers...but he's not on  _ our side _ ."

 

She just stared at him.  

 

Everything just sort of hit her at once.  He'd been wearing white when she'd found him in the cell with her.  All the doctors she'd seen had been wearing white.  The guards had been in black.  She and J'onn were in red and yellow respectively.  They obviously had some kind of color system, likely to easily identify people on monitors even if faces weren't visible.  She dropped her head into her hands and just told herself to breathe.  They'd have to figure something out, how to escape...she just didn't know if that would require them to still try to take her father with them.  

 

Even if her father...if Jeremiah Danvers...was brainwashed...that didn't mean that he had to stay that way, right?  Their mission had been to find him and bring him home.  They could still do that and if he was brainwashed, then they could hold him and try to break it.  They had to be able to do that.  She had to believe that.  Alex was certain that J'onn would be able to assist bring the memories he'd had of his family to the surface once they were out of there and he was able to use his powers.  

 

"I can be objective," she whispered as she lifted her head to look at him.  "We just have to agree on what our mission is."  This was the only way she knew how to get through this, at least until they got out of Cadmus.  If she thought about it as a mission with objectives and goals, then she could concentrate on that.  

 

"Alex…"

 

"We have to agree on what it is," Alex told him.  "Do we leave our target and worry about extracting ourselves or do we attempt to go forward with the original plan...with obvious complications."

 

He just stared at her and she waited.  This was their decision.  She didn't want to solely make it and in all honesty, she didn't really want to make it at all.  J'onn seemed to take his time to think about it.  "Right now, our mission is to extract ourselves from Cadmus," J'onn told her and his voice was gentle and full of thought.  "If we get to that point and we can take the target with us, then we'll do it."

 

They were going to play it by ear, she could do that, she just needed to know the plan.  "What do we know?"

 

J'onn motioned to the wall across from where they were sitting.  "That wall retracts.  There's a long observation window behind it.  They can pump audio and gas into this room."  When she gave him a concerned look, he shrugged.  "It was just to knock me out...likely so they could enter the room to bring you in without having to worry about what I might do."

 

"Only one door," Alex said, stating the obvious.  

 

"Guards wear black.  Doctors wear white.  Those that are kept here either wear yellow, red, or teal."

 

"I would think that it would designate human versus alien, but why three?" Alex asked and then sucked in a breath.  "Cadmus…  They're experimenting.  They could be producing or mutating people...making hybrids."

 

"I thought of that," J'onn admitted.  "Unless it's a level of threat…"

 

Alex looked down at her red tank top.  "Then which one of us is more dangerous…"

 

That earned her a smirk from J'onn.  "Likely you."

 

"Unless it's level of importance and I'm a red shirt...expendable."

 

"And maybe we're completely off…"

 

Alex got to her feet and felt J'onn grab onto her arm and stand at the same time, in order to keep her steady.  At first, her vision swam a bit but it passed.  Her spine was sore, tender, and stiff as she attempted to full straighten.  When she'd been laying down, she'd been fairly close to a fetal position.  When she'd been sitting up, she'd still been hunched forward.  Her spine obviously was going to take some time to adjust to being in a straighten positioning.  She sucked in a breath and closed her eyes.

 

"I can't sense your thoughts, Alex," J'onn reminded in a whisper.  "You have to tell me if something's wrong...if you're hurting too much."

 

"I just need a minute," Alex told him.  "Just stay here."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"They're collecting samples of  _ all _ kinds," Alex said as she paced the cell.  J'onn was sitting on the bench.  She needed to move, to think.  "I mean, spinal fluid isn't  _ exactly _ on the list of normal things that you test…"

 

"Alex…"

 

They both froze and turned their heads when there was a flashing of light and then a tap on the door.  Instinctively, Alex moved away from it and towards J'onn.  It had to be what they expected most people to do, because the door opened and trays slid in.  Alex wasn't sure how long they'd already been in Cadmus, but this was the first meal she'd seen.  The passage of time since they arrived was a mystery of her, though, if it had been a day or if it had been two.  She didn't think much more time than that could have passed.  The door immediately was closed and the sound of the hard grinding _ chink _ echoed through the cell as it was locked once again.

 

Neither one of them moved at first, giving time for whomever might have slid the trays in to move away from the other side of the door.  Alex moved first and J'onn was right behind her as they went to grab the trays.  Mostly, Alex was looking forward to drinking the bottle of water that was on the tray.  The bottle of water didn't even look like it would be enough to sate her thirst, one that she really hadn't realized she had until she'd actually seen the water bottle.

 

Behind them, the sound of the door being unlocked and swung open, but it wasn't processed in Alex's brain until she was already being grabbed from behind.  Her tray hit the floor, the food flying every which way, and the water bottle bouncing off the floor.  Even though her eyes were distracted by the flying food, her instincts automatically kicked in and she immediately started to fight back.  

 

"Stay back, Martian!" 

 

Alex managed to catch whoever had grabbed her from behind off guard.  She elbowed them and then kicked them, sending them backwards.  Moving back towards J'onn, who had taken a step back when the guard had yelled at him, she realized that he looked worried.  His mouth opened and he started to say something, but Alex suddenly tensed up...she couldn't move...she couldn't do anything except witness what was going on around her.  J'onn's terrified face and all she could do was stare back at him.  She suddenly relaxed and flopped forward, only to be grabbed quickly and be removed from the room.  

 

All she knew for sure...they were going to use her against him.

 

They would try to break him.

 

To break them both.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Alex woke in another medical chair, but this wasn't like the last one she'd been in.  No, this reminded her more of a dental chair than anything else...except she was strapped down.  It took her a moment, but she realized she wasn't alone.  On the other side of the room seemed to be a lab and in there were two men.  

 

"I see you are awake, Agent Danvers."

 

When faces came into view, it killed her when she realized that one of them was her father.  J'onn had been right.  Seeing him standing there next to the other doctor made her sick and made her feel so stupid for not seeing it earlier.  She turned her head in the other direction, Alex closed her eyes and tried to think of being somewhere else.

 

"I know this has to be hard for you, Alex," Jeremiah said.  "But if you cooperate...you'll be given a chance…"

 

Her father's words pulled her attention back to where he stood, both of them now not more than a foot away from her.  "Chance?" Alex echoed, not sure what his meaning was.  Whatever it was, she was certain not what she'd consider to be a chance.  

 

"You're a smart girl, Alex...you could have a place here with me," Jeremiah told her.

 

"You  _ think _ I _ want _ to be like you?   _ Brainwashed _ ?  Doing only God knows what to people in here?!" Alex exploded.  "The knowledge I have...it's to change the world...a _ positive _ change, not this--"

 

"You're  _ so blind _ !" her father spat at her.  It took her back.  "I  _ am _ doing the  _ good  _ work, Alex!  We're  _ making _ a  _ difference _ here!  I wanted  _ you _ to be part of it with  _ me _ !  Do you have  _ any  _ idea how many biological  _ threats _ there are on this planet right now because of aliens?  How _ else  _ are we supposed to get ahead of it?  To  _ combat _ it?   _ To keep the planet safe _ ?" 

 

" _ Not like this _ !"

 

"She's  _ made _ her choice," the other doctor interrupted sharply as he glared in Alex's direction.  

 

And Alex realized, so had her father.

 

He wasn't her father.

 

Even if he'd been brainwashed, Alex wasn't sure that there was any hope to bring him back from this.  What came next, locked that thought into her.  Her father grabbed a syringe from nearby and injected her with it, no matter how much she fought against the restraints she couldn't get away.  Eventually the world started to darken around her.

 

"She's a strong candidate," the other doctor said.

 

"She's strong in general," her father said creepily proud.

 

Alex blinked once more before sliding into unconsciousness and clinging to a memory of comfort and safety for refuge.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  



	4. Captivity

"I'm surprised that you haven't tried to find a way out of this cell."

 

"There is no way out except through that door."

 

"They took Alex and you just let them, I guess I didn't leave my family in your capable hands after all."

 

J'onn just stared at Jeremiah Danvers from where he sat on the bench in the cell.  The food, water bottles, and trays still littered the ground.  He didn't care.  He just wanted Alex back.  He knew that he couldn't just completely lose control, though.  That wasn't going to bring her back.  "You're helping these monsters…"

 

"Oh,  _ we're _ the monsters?" Jeremiah demanded from the observation side of the long glass windowed wall.  

 

"What are they doing to her, Jeremiah?"

 

"Testing...preparing--"

 

"Preparing her for  _ what _ ?!" J'onn spat and got to his feet, his fingers curled up into balls.  

 

"Something greater…"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


He didn't know how long they'd kept her away.  

 

All he knew was that he couldn't sleep and whenever his body would decide that he needed to, he'd wake a terrifying startled breath later after hearing Alex's screams and seeing those needles stuck into her spine.  It had felt like a lifetime...and then the door opened before she was tossed in.

 

Immediately he moved to retrieve her.  Checking vitals, he let out a sigh of relief.  She was unconscious, but she was alive.  Sitting her up, to prepare to carry her to the bench, he couldn't stop himself from checking her spine.  No new punctures.  

 

"Kara…" he heard her mumble in her sleep.

 

"I'll reunite you with your sister soon," he whispered as he cradled her in his arms and carried her over to the bench.  It was the best he could do, but she really needed a bed and a blanket.  Instead of laying her down to sleep, he let her sleep while he held her as he tried to keep her warm.  "I promise you."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


They'd taken her again.

 

Instead of coming in like they had before, they simply pumped the cell with gas and took both of them.  He had only known that he'd been taken because when he woke in the cell, he found incisions and needle marks.  The cell no longer had the trays and food from yesterday scattered every which way, instead there were new trays neatly set below where the observation window was (he'd noticed that they'd just been leaving it open).  

 

There were two trays of food.

 

He took that as a sign that they'd return Alex to him.

 

Anxious, he paced and tried to think.  

 

"You're failing her…"

 

His head whipped around and he glared at Jeremiah Danvers.  So many years before, he'd just wanted to save this man...to let him go home to his family...and then he'd made a promise and he'd tried his best to keep it.  All those years ago, he would have never imagined wishing that he could kill him.  He knew, even without his powers, that somewhere deep inside of Alex she just wanted to take her father with them in hopes that they could somehow get past the brainwashing...J'onn didn't think that was a possibility, sometimes people were just gone.

 

Jeremiah Danvers was gone.

 

"What are they _ doing _ to her?  What are  _ you _ doing to her?"

 

He was angry, but he knew that he needed to watch the trays.  Alex hadn't eaten since they'd gotten there and once they returned her, he'd need to get her to eat.  He wanted answers, though.  Nothing could have prepared them for the true horrors of Cadmus.  From his experience so far, they took measures, and that left them trapped...with no chance for escape.  All he wanted to was to make sure that Alex got out...got to Kara...got help.  That was all he wanted, to stop seeing her suffer.  

 

"Making her stronger…  I'm sure you thought that was what you were doing when you recruited her to the DEO," Jeremiah said matter of factly.  "I don't think you prepared her for this place."

 

No.

 

"Just let her go--"

 

" _ Why _ ?  Because you'd do  _ anything _ for her?  Because you'd take her place in whatever we are doing to her?" Jeremiah questioned curiously and it seemed with some amusement.  "You've really become  _ quite attached _ to her, haven't you?"  The next statement sounded more like an accusation more than anything.  "You  _ care _ for her."

 

And he did.

 

"She's like a daughter--"

 

"No…  I don't know if that's quite right," Jeremiah said.  "I think it's something more…  I've watched you with her…  How you look at her…  How you held her this morning…"  He seemed to be thinking it over and trying to put it together.  J'onn wasn't sure what kind of relationship he and Alex had, but it wasn't--  "And just so you know, I don't approve," Jeremiah added angrily.  With that, he left the window.  

 

For a moment, J'onn just watched as they transported people up and down the hallway, some were awake and walking while others were unconscious and being dragged or carried.  In that moment, all he wanted was to see them bringing Alex back...but they weren't.  So, he moved back to the bench and sat...waiting and watching.  

 

His thoughts moved to what Jeremiah had said before, what he'd been accused of.  J'onn knew that he was protective of Alex, extremely so...he felt like he had to be.  While he'd kept an eye on both Alex and Kara, Alex was the more fragile and vulnerable one.  That was one of the reasons why he'd pushed Alex so hard in her combat training, he'd wanted her to be strong enough...smart enough..and skilled enough to defend herself in nearly any situation.  He'd thought he'd achieved that, but now they were here...and all of that...it seemed to mean nothing.  

 

He'd told the girls that they were like daughters to him…

 

The door opened and his attention snapped to it, it seemed like they were gauging what he was going to do.  J'onn just watched them as they dumped Alex's unconscious body into the room and left.  He waited only a breath before moving to be by her side, checking her over.  New needle marks and as he gathered her up in his arms, he realized that she was freezing.  There were no comforts in the cell and they'd clothed them in so little.  J'onn did the only thing he could and sat back on the bench with her like he'd done the day before, held her close, and just let her sleep.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

  
"J'onn?"   
  


The entire time Alex had slept, he'd thought about Jeremiah's words.  As she looked up at him, he wondered for the briefest of moments if he'd been right because he cared about Alex so much that it killed him to hear her scream like he had and it was killing him now to look down at her so sickly looking.  How he'd easily trade his life away for hers without a second thought.  He loved her, that was something he knew for sure, but was it the way a father loved a daughter...or was it something more?

 

"I'm here," he whispered.

 

"Cold…"

 

Running his hands over her arms was all he could think to do to warm her as he held her close.  There was skin to skin contact, but he figured that they had been close enough.  What she really needed was socks and a thick blanket.  "You need to eat something," he told her.

 

"Not hungry…"

 

J'onn eyed the trays from where he was sitting and tried to figure out what Alex could easily eat.  He'd prefer something warm, but they had been sitting there for some time...and they didn't exactly have microwave capabilities in their cell.  "Alex, please…"

 

"I just want to sleep…"

 

"Stay awake," he told her and immediately snapped into a more authoritative tone.  All he could think was she was cold, she hadn't eaten, and if she slept...what if she didn't wake?  "Stay with me."

 

Alex just stared at him, blinking.  "Are you going to sing again?" she whispered with a small smile.

 

"If I knew it would keep you awake…"

 

"I  _ am _ thirsty," she whispered.  

 

He sat her up and positioned her so she'd stay sitting up even without his extra support.  Once he was certain that she wouldn't fall over, he moved to the trays and grabbed a water and surveyed the food.  If she was willing to drink something, then he was certain that he could convince her to eat something.  Though, what he really needed was a protein drink on top of the socks and blanket for Alex.

 

Sitting back down next to her, he was careful to only let her sip slowly, a little at a time.  After she seemed to take it okay and was a little more lucid, he offered her some applesauce.  At the very least, it would be easy to eat and an easy way to get food and sugar into her body.  He had no idea if they were giving her anything in the way of hydration or nutrients when they took her away, but she didn't look it.  

 

"Do you remember when you and Kara used to sit on your roof in Midvale and watch the stars at night?" he asked.  

 

He wanted to keep her awake and alert.  J'onn figured that if he brought up happy memories that maybe that would be enough to keep her with him and positive (as positive as they could be).  

 

"You're trying to keep me awake," she whispered as she closed her eyes.  He shook her a little, she grumbled, and then opened her eyes once again.  "I remember…"

 

"Talk to me, Alex."

 

"You know...things could be worse…"

 

He didn't want her being negative.  Right now, there were already enough negative things, they didn't need to voice them and bring more life to them.  "Alex--"

 

"Consider this dismaying observation," Alex said in a creepy voice.  "This chamber has no windows and no doors…  Which offers you this chilling challenge...to find a way out...of course there's always my way…"

 

J'onn just stared at her as she smiled.  "This is some reference…"

 

"You need to get out more," she teased.

 

"Let's get out of here first…"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	5. This isn't what I wanted

For the past decade, all she'd wanted was for everything she'd ever been told about her father's death to be a lie.  She wanted him to walk through their front door at Midvale and start to cry when he saw them and they'd all be crying too.  She'd dreamt of what he'd say.  How he'd react to how they'd grown and what they'd accomplished.  The feeling of his arms around her as he hugged her tight before pressing a kiss to her forehead.  Watching the absolute joy of their parents being reunited...and how overwhelmingly happy her mother would be at this.  

 

Over the past...she didn't know how many days...that had changed…

 

"I didn't want this for you, Alex," he whispered as he held her hand.

 

As she looked up into his eyes, Alex felt like for a brief second that that was really her father staring back at her and the words coming out of his mouth.  If she could have yanked her hand away, she would have, but she was secured in place.  Tears glazed her eyes and she sucked in a shaky breath.  " _ Please _ ...just let us go."

 

"I wanted you to be in this  _ with _ me," her father continued.  "But they're going to make you stronger...and  _ then _ you'll see…"

 

She turned her head away.  "Why do you even keep talking to me?"  Alex really didn't care what his answer was.  "You're not my father anymore.  He  _ died _ in Peru.  You're an abomination," she whispered so sadly.  It was so hard to think of the father that she'd absolutely adored all that time she was growing up and then remembering what this man had done to her.  

 

He wasn't her father.

 

Closing her eyes, she just tried to think of being somewhere else.  She could _ feel  _ the medication they were pushing into her IV entering her, making her insides tingle and then feel like they're on fire...Alex bit down on her lower lip as she waited for what was coming, what she  _ knew _ was coming.  She didn't fight the blackness, she accepted it and thought of Kara.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


When she finally woke, Alex found that she was in a different room.  It was far different than the rooms that she'd been in before.  It wasn't sterile looking.  There was no medical equipment.  It was almost like being home...except brightly decorated.  She blinked, taking it all in.  It was like some summer colored bedroom ad from some home decorating book.  

 

Sitting up, she ran her fingers through her short hair and looked around, taking in the landscape pictures on the walls that almost looked like windows to the outside world.  As she moved to get out of the bed that was actually a proper bed, queen sized even, with sheets and pillows and blankets…  

 

"J'onn?" she whispered as she looked around.  

 

"No."

 

She froze at the voice.  Alex knew that he was behind her and to her left.  Why did he continue to bother?  Had he pulled these strings?  Even though she knew that it looked more like a home and less like a cell, this was still a prison.  Had her father somehow convinced them to leave her alone?  

 

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" she asked as her heart was breaking yet again.  It seemed like now that's all she felt when she was around her father.  It was then as she stood up that she noticed that she'd been changed.  Alex was no longer wearing red, but teal.  The color seemed to match some of the decor, but she wondered what that meant for her.  She and J'onn had theories, but there were so many possibilities.  "What have you done?" she whispered as she looked over at him.

 

What she saw was unexpected.  Her father was in the corner, sitting in a chair, and there were tears running down his face.  His genuinely appeared to be upset with whatever was going on.  "I didn't want this for you, Alex."  Jeremiah Danvers broke down and Alex took a step back, her mind reeled.  If her father was this upset, then what had happened?  What had been done to her?  "All I wanted was for you to work by my side...that's the interest I wanted them to take in you...not  _ this _ …"

 

"Not  _ what _ ?" she breathed, afraid of the answer.

 

Her father moved towards her and fell to his knees, his hands scrambling to take hers.  "Forgive me, Alex... _ please _ …"

 

She instinctively pulled her hands away and took a step back.  Alex honestly didn't know how to respond.  "What did you do?"

 

"I don't know what  _ they _ did... _ honestly _ ," he told her through tears, still on his knees.  "There are so many possibilities…"

 

"What does this _ mean _ ?" she asked as she pulled at the teal tank top she now wore.

 

He was quiet at first, but after a moment he swallowed before looking right at her.  "It means that you're worth something to them.  You're  _ valuable _ …  That's why they brought you here.  They want you to be comfortable."

 

"I'm not expendable anymore."

 

"Alex,  _ please _ ...for--"

 

"J'onn…"  Alex looked all around.  The room was obviously set up for one person, or at least that's what it seemed like.  There was only a single chair, a single small dresser, and not much of anything else.  "I want to see him…"

 

"They won't allow it--"

 

"I want to see him!" Alex shouted at her father as tears fell down her cheeks.  She wasn't expendable anymore and that frightened her even more after seeing how her father had reacted.  She was in this beautiful room and she had a bed and warmth...but was that to be her life besides the poking and prodding?  Kara didn't even know where they were...she didn't even have a time for them to check in...how would her sister know where to worry?  Where to look?  And J'onn...what were their plans for him?  She'd been happier in the other cell because at least they were together.

 

"If I could--"

 

"You want me to forgive you," she spat.  Alex almost immediately softened at the notion that this was her life now.  There would be no escape.  "Cadmus has taken _ everything _ away from me…don't take  _ him _ from me…"

 

Her father just stared at her, tears still trickling down his face as he stood.  "Alex...you have to know I only wanted what was best for you."

 

"You're not my father."

 

"Alex--"

 

"Leave me alone," she told him angrily and turned away.  Her hands balled up into fists as she stared at one of the pictures that hung on the wall, the ocean...and the first thing that came to mind was how it reminded her of Midvale.  " _ Go _ !" she shouted furiously when she didn't hear him move.   She listened as he left and then Alex allowed herself to cry.  Was this all she had left?  This room?  A man who looked and sounded like her father, but wasn't her father?

 

No control.

 

No hope.

 

This wasn't life.

 

There was no future in Cadmus.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Alex!"

 

"J'onn…"

 

"Alex!  Wake up!  Open your eyes!"

 

She groaned and struggled to make sense of what was reality and what was dream.  Alex finally snapped her eyes open and her body bolted upwards as her heart raced as horrors flashed again before her eyes.  "J'onn!" 

 

"Hey, hey...you're  _ safe _ ," J'onn whispered and Alex realized that he was not only there but he was holding her.  She didn't know how he got there, but she remembered that they'd taken her and they'd run what felt like every test humanly and medically possible on her, like they were mapping her  _ entire _ being.  

 

"We're  _ never _ going to be safe," she mumbled as she looked up at him.  Alex felt like she was completely zapped.  She didn't know how long she'd been gone or how long she'd been unconscious, but she just wanted to sleep for weeks.  

 

J'onn's fingers brushed along her cheek.  "I would do  _ anything _ to keep you safe…"

 

Reaching up, she brushed her fingers along his jaw, almost as if she were testing to make sure that he was really there...to make sure that he wasn't just a dream or hallucination.  Alex opened her mouth to say something and then it was like her mind just shut down for a moment because she couldn't remember what she was going to say.  Closing her mouth and squeezing shut her eyes, she tried to force her brain to work.

 

"Alex?"

 

"I can't concentrate...or think straight…"

 

"What did they do?"

 

"I don't know."

 

He held her tighter.  "I've got to get you out of here."

 

"I was thinking I could help you with that," Jeremiah said.

 

Alex's eyes snapped open and she just stared up at J'onn.  He, however, was staring in the direction of the door.  "He's lying," she breathed.

 

"I'm willing to risk it," J'onn told her as he glanced down at her.  "They've changed however they're cataloging you.  I don't know if it's for the best or not, but--"

 

"I'm not going anywhere without you," she put out there.  Alex  _ knew  _ him.  She knew what he was thinking and what it sounded like Jeremiah was willing to do.  She wasn't leaving Cadmus without J'onn.  They were in this together and they needed to leave together.  Plus, she had already seen enough horrors...she didn't want to know what they might do to J'onn if he was just abandoned in Cadmus.  No, she wasn't doing that.  There  _ had _ to be another way.

 

"Tell me that you can get her out of here...that you can get her somewhere she'll be safe from Cadmus," J'onn said, he wasn't looking at her at all.  In fact, Alex was certain that he was purposely  _ not _ looking at her.

 

Alex's focus turned to Jeremiah who had moved further into the room.  "She should have just agreed to join me...to join Cadmus--"

 

"Jeremiah, you're her  _ father _ ."

 

"She doesn't seem to claim me anymore."

 

"Don't _ listen _ to him," Alex told J'onn as she tugged on his arm.  All she wanted was for him to look at her in that moment.  She didn't want him to look at Jeremiah.  She didn't want J'onn to get sucked into that false sense of hope.  All of their hope should have been abandoned at the entrance to Cadmus.  There was no hope anywhere in there.  It was hell on Earth.  A place filled with unspeakable evils.  "We  _ can't _ trust him…"

 

She wouldn't leave without him.

 

" _ Please _ , Jeremiah," J'onn plead.

 

"There's  _ nothing _ more I can do...for _ either  _ of you," Jeremiah said quietly and sadly before exiting the room and leaving them.

 

Alex just watched him go and knew that she shouldn't be sad or disappointed or feel anything except anger towards him, but she couldn't help it…  As much as she'd denied it, he was still  _ biologically _ her father.  That was hard to let go or sincerely push to the back of her head when she looked at him and heard his voice and could only think of the man who had walked along the beach with her as a child, who had read to her, who had checked under her bed for monster...for everything…

 

"Alex…" J'onn whispered.  

 

"He said he had never wanted this for me," she breathed as she just stared at the door.  As she turned to J'onn, he was still dressed in yellow like before, and she sucked in a breath and looked up at him.  Tears filled her eyes and her breath hitched as she tried to force the words out.  It was something that she didn't want to speak out loud because that would just make it all true.  "I don't know what's happening…  I don't think they're going to let you stay…  I think this is going to be goodbye, J'onn…"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	6. The Truth of It

Worst case scenarios ran through his mind.

 

It was one thing when it was  _ him _ .

 

Not  _ her _ .

 

Never _ her _ .

 

It was like everything became clear in that moment and it made it all the more tragic.  He'd been separated from Alex again and all he could do was think about her...think about how he'd trade his life for hers...how he'd do _ anything  _ for her...how--

 

"Alex is strong, but she won't survive Cadmus...not what they have planned for her…"

 

J'onn looked up to see Jeremiah standing there at the observation window, he got to his feet and moved closer.  "So... _ do something _ !"  His hands curled into fists and his anger furled inside of him.  " _ Act! _ "

 

"She's made her choice!"

 

"You didn't give her much of one!"  He wanted to beat on the window and break himself out of the cell, but that wasn't an option.  He was human in there.  "If I could  _ show  _ you... _ remind  _ you...of how much you  _ loved  _ Alex--"

 

"You don't think I  _ remember _ ?!"

 

J'onn just stared at him.  "I can't see any other reason why you would sentence your daughter to death by Cadmus…"

 

"They'll keep her around, but you'll  _ never _ see her again," Jeremiah spat.  "And soon, she'll be even out of  _ my  _ reach."

 

"How can you let them  _ experiment  _ on her?!   _ Hurt _ her?!  You're her  _ father _ !" he shouted, even though he didn't think he could reach the Jeremiah Danvers that might no longer exist.

 

"And what are  _ you _ to her?!" Jeremiah yelled back.  "Her  _ boss _ ?  A  _ surrogate _ father?   _ Something else _ ?   _ Do you even know _ ?!"

 

"I've  _ kept  _ my vow to you for over a decade, Jeremiah Danvers," J'onn told him deadly serious.  "I've kept an eye on _ both _ of those girls...your wife…"

 

"But _ especially  _ Alex?"

 

"She  _ needed _ it more," he admitted.  "She  _ still  _ does.  I kept her  _ safe _ through all of these years…  I showed her the path when she strayed from it.  I built her up when you weren't there to do it.  I  _ protected _ her...protected them  _ both _ for as long as I could…" J'onn said and he started to get teary eyed.  It had been so hard for him to allow things to change.  To allow Kara to be Supergirl...for Alex to encourage it...and for the mission of the DEO to change…and to allow himself to love them.  

 

"I can't stop what's already been started…"

 

"At least give her an advantage!   _ Please _ !  I'll do  _ anything _ \--"

 

"You already have  _ no  _ choice!"

 

J'onn didn't know what to say to that.  That was true, but he couldn't just give up.  He couldn't think of Alex being in Cadmus, being where he couldn't protect her.  "You said that she'll be out of your reach soon,  _ please _ ...at least let me see her one  _ more  _ time…"

 

" _ Why _ ?"

 

" _ You know why _ …"

 

Jeremiah almost seemed amused in that moment.  "But I want to  _ hear _ you say it."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Once Jeremiah was gone, J'onn was certain that he'd lost every chance to convince him to free Alex let alone the possibility of seeing her again...just one last time.  That's all he had wanted.  To apologize for failing her, to try to convince her that she would be okay (though he wasn't sure how he could honestly do that).  Honestly, he really wanted to just hold her.  

 

When the door opened and Alex stumbled in, for a split second he swore he was hallucinating.  Then he saw Jeremiah behind her.  "You have two minutes," Jeremiah said.

 

He held onto Alex and waited for her to look up at him.  J'onn didn't like the way that she was holding herself.  There was something wrong.  Everything inside of Cadmus was wrong, though.  "Alex?"

 

When she finally looked up at him, his heart fell.  

 

"What happened?" he whispered, thick with concern, as he cupped her face between his hands.  

 

"I fell."  When he just stared at her, she blinked at him and tears fell.  Her face was all battered and bruised and though she seemed to be telling the truth, he didn't know what to think past the fact that he didn't like it.  "I really did…  I was trying to get past them when they came to take me…"

 

This was it.

 

Really it.

 

The final time he'd get to relay any comfort to her.

 

J'onn wrapped her in his arms and sucked in a deep breath, stilling his own emotions.  Right now, he couldn't make this any worse for her.  "I'm sorry, Alex," he whispered.  "I promised you I'd get you home to Kara...and it doesn't seem like I'll be able to do that now…"

 

"It's  _ my _ fault…" she whispered, her voice breaking before a sharp hitch of breath shuddered her entire being.  "You revealed yourself in the first place because you were saving  _ me _ \--"

 

He yanked her back quickly, his hands tight on her upper arms as he stared right at her.  "And I would do it  _ again _ in a heartbeat," he told her fiercely.  He didn't regret that.  That was the last thing in life he regretted.  "I would have rather died  _ myself _ than lose you, Alex."  J'onn could see that Jeremiah was antsy behind them.  Their time was about to be up, he knew that.  Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he held her as tightly as he thought she could bear.  He wanted to bottle that moment.  He wanted it to last forever.  

 

"It's time…" Jeremiah spoke up.

 

" _ Please _ ... _ don't do this _ ," Alex cried as Jeremiah pulled her away.  She yanked her wrist away from him and J'onn couldn't help but feel the same.  She was making his heart break even more.  " _ Let me stay _ …"

 

"Do you want out of Cadmus or  _ not _ ?!"

 

It was like the world halted.

 

" _ Go _ !" J'onn told her as he practically pushed her into Jeremiah's arms.  This had been unexpected, but he wasn't going to not take full advantage of this moment.  He just had to believe that there was a tiny piece of Jeremiah that was _ still  _ Alex's father, that this was _ real. _  He had to have that small shred of hope...for  _ her _ .

 

"Not without you!" Alex fought.

 

"Alex!  I need you to go!  This one time, please just do what I ask!" 

 

She moved back towards him and it broke his heart all the more.  She needed to go.  J'onn knew that he needed to make Alex go.  Her stubbornness had no match and Jeremiah likely needed her to be conscious to get her out of Cadmus.  Tears were streaming down her face, though, and her voice was so full of sadness.  "No!  I'm not leaving you here…"

 

"I love you," he whispered as he cupped her face again, tears sliding down his cheeks.

 

"I love you," Alex whispered back.

 

He smiled at that and kissed her forehead before looking at her again.  J'onn knew that he had to say what he needed and he needed her to know that she had to leave...because it was what  _ he  _ wanted.   _ His choice _ .  "No... _ I love you _ ," J'onn repeated.  Cadmus and Jeremiah had made him realize just how far down those feelings went for Alex.  These were the worst circumstances to confess his love, but they were likely the last ones.  "I care about you... _ a lot  _ more than I'm supposed to…"

 

The realization hit her, her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open.  He wished that he had more time with her, but they didn't have it.  " _ J'onn _ …"  

 

How she said his name nearly broke him.  " _ Go _ ," he whispered and he walked her back to Jeremiah.  "I  _ need  _ to  _ know _ that you're  _ safe _ ...out of this place…"  

 

Jeremiah shut the door now and was dragging her away.  

 

He watched as she dragged a hand along the observation window.  "I want you to know I'm  _ never _ giving up!" Alex shouted, obviously making sure she could be heard.  He pressed his hand against hers, even as it moved.  "Wherever you are, whatever they do to you.. _.I will find you _ !"

 

And then she was gone.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Watching her go, knowing that she was no longer in Cadmus, it somehow made everything that came next easier…  

 

The pain.

 

The torture.

 

His screams filled rooms and hallways, but he didn't care.

 

J'onn's only thought was of Alex...safe and away from the horror of Cadmus.

 

He could remember the feel of her in his arms and he clung to that as the pain continued.  The sound of her voice in his ears as he closed his eyes and just thought of her.  There was nothing that they could do to take Alex away from him now.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  
  



	7. Heartbreak

" _ Shut up _ !" 

 

Alex just blinked wildly, she was torn at what her instincts were shouting at her to do and what Jeremiah wanted as he shoved her up against a wall with her wrists in his hands.  He was angry and she knew that she wasn't being cooperative, but she didn't want to leave J'onn behind.  Leaving J'onn behind was the  _ last  _ thing she wanted to do.  " _ Why _ are you doing this?" she finally asked in a shaky whisper.  

 

She needed to understand.

 

He'd made himself clear before.

 

Why the change of heart?

 

"I'm still your father," he said matter of factly before they were moving once again.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


The alarms sounded, but it was too late as far as Alex was concerned.  They were already in a vehicle inside of Cadmus.  When you had a vehicle, it was like a moving battering ram.  There was little that they could get through that she had seen being dragged into the facility.  "This is the point of no return," she told him as he pulled the car out of the spot and sped through the underground parking.  "You realize that...you can't just drop me off and then go back--"

 

"You'd be surprised who they bring back," he shot back.

 

He'd made her get into the back and Alex was completely uncomfortable with that.  Of course she was uncomfortable with taking a back seat in anything in general.  "Thank you," she blurted out as he maneuvered the vehicle towards the signed exit.  He might not have gotten J'onn out too, but Alex knew that knowing the location (even roughly so) of Cadmus would make a rescue attempt much easier.

 

"You can't go back for him--"

 

"I said 'thank you', not give me advice," she snapped.  Her head was pounding and she cradled it.  It was like the suddenly upset made it all the worse.  

 

"Lay down, Alex...they have to already know what's going on, let's not make you a bigger target…"

 

Normally, she'd argue and push back saying that she could be a force to be reckoned with.  This time, though, with the thought of being able to go back and save J'onn on her mind...she did as she was told.  Alex made herself as small as she could and curled herself into the small space of the floorboard between the rows of seats.  

 

The vehicle sped through and the lighting changed going from dark and dim to bright.  It was day.  There were gunshots, but her father didn't slow the vehicle.  It continued and she stayed down.  No matter how the vehicle swerved or the bumps it hit hard.  

 

Her thoughts kept going back to what J'onn had said to her when she'd last seen him.

 

He loved her.

 

_ He loved her _ .

 

Alex had never thought of him in such a way.  She'd always thought of him as her boss or as a friend or as a partner in what they did.  Her life had been so consumed by three things: protecting Kara, learning everything she could to follow in her father's footsteps, and being the best damn DEO agent she could be.  Of all those three purposes in her life, none of them had really left much room for anything beyond.  

 

Did she regret any of it?

 

No.

 

Without Kara being in her life, protecting her and loving her all these years...she knew that she wouldn't be as happy as she was.  Having Kara as a sister had been a true privilege and her love lit Alex's life.  Her education had been both a key to her continuing in life...but at the time, it had been a connection to her father as well as what she thought was protecting Kara.  All of that, it had led up to her being recruited...to her job at the DEO...and to meeting J'onn.  

 

She and J'onn had been on the run, they were targets, but she knew that there were people she could reach out to help her get him back.  She  _ had  _ to get him back.  Alex just couldn't leave him there to die in Cadmus.  No, he'd done what he could to get her out of Cadmus, because Alex didn't believe that it was solely her father's change of heart that had gotten her into that position.

 

Alex could hear that they were being followed now.  She had no weapon and she had no information.  She had only hope.  That was not something Alex was accustomed to solely holding onto.  Cadmus, though, had made it something that she'd become used to.  

 

"Where are we?" she whispered the question.

 

She couldn't just stay there curled up, silent and waiting.

 

"Not out of the woods yet," he came back.

 

"We're not going to make it far with them behind us--"

 

"I know a place," Jeremiah told her.  He was quiet for a moment.  "There was a time...when I first came to Cadmus...I fought them...security wasn't as good as it is now...and I got out...and I got all the way down to the ruins...it took them forever to find me because I managed it by foot and in the dark."  He huffed.  "We're not going to lose them, but I know where I can hide you…"

 

"You could still come home," Alex whispered.

 

And they both knew the truth.

 

"No," he said.  "But if this is the last thing I do as your father, then I'll die happy…"

 

It was hard to think that she'd lost her father, but he'd been alive only to find that she lost him again, and then to possibly lose him now…  Alex didn't know what to do with those thoughts.  A small bag was tossed at her.  

 

"You'll need that."  She pulled it open to find a black jacket and pants, a pair of socks, and a phone.  It wasn't much, but she could make it work.  "Don't use the phone until after they leave…and don't let Kara fly in...they'll be looking for her…"

 

He sounded like her dad.

 

That made this all the harder…

 

She tried to focus on what needed to be done.  Alex started to put on what was in the bag.  She covered her feet with the socks and then pulled on the pants.  The jacket went on next followed by her folding up the bag and stowing it away in a pocket (just in case).  She kept the phone close, but where it would be protected.  

 

"We're nearly there…"

 

"You can still change your mind."

 

"Tell me the  _ one thing _ that you wished I'd been there for in your life."

 

That caught her off guard.  

 

She had to think.

 

There were so many things about Kara that she wanted to tell him about.  She wanted to gush about how her sister had blossomed into this wonderful person and hero and--

 

They came to a quick stop and doors were thrown open.  He was helping her out of the car and dragging her in a direction quicker than she'd expected.  Alex sucked in a breath and hurried as quickly as she could, trying not to look back.  She could hear the other vehicles sliding to a stop in the dirt not far behind them and the chatter as their guards got out.

 

It was an abandoned town, she realized, and though she knew she should be looking and taking in her surroundings...Jeremiah seemed to know exactly where he was going.  Zigzagging and moving slightly beyond the perimeter of the town.  There were no buildings that she could see, but he knew exactly where he was going as they dropped down a bit.  He guided her into the tiniest space.  Alex wasn't sure if she was going to be able to breathe in it, but she knew that it would definitely be hard to find.  He started to move dry brush to further camouflage the area.  

 

"You'll be safe here," he told her as he crouched down.  He was red, sweating, and panting slightly...and all she could see was her father.

 

Jeremiah Danvers.

 

The man that she'd  _ mourned _ .

 

The first man in life that she'd _ loved _ .

 

Her  _ father _ .

 

"Dad,  _ please _ …" she whispered as she reached out to grab his hand.  

 

Leaning in, he pressed a long kiss to her forehead.  "You are the  _ best  _ thing I ever did in life, Alex.  You were  _ always _ the  _ strongest  _ of us all…"

 

"I wished you were there when my work went under scrutiny at Stanford," she whispered as tears fell.  All she could think back then was that her father would have known how to make it work, he would have lifted her up rather than tearing her down like the university had.  Things would have been  _ so _ different…

 

" _ Stay quiet _ ...don't come out,  _ no matter what  _ happens...you  _ promise _ me," he whispered.

 

"I promise," she whispered before she could realize the words were coming out of her own mouth.  She watched him go and it might just have been harder than the last time she'd watched him walk out the door at the Midvale house.  Alex held tight to the phone and squeezed her eyes shut, she was trying to stay calm by controlling her breathing.  

 

There were voices.  She could hear them.  They were close.  She knew that her father had said to stay put no matter what, to not call for help until after they were gone, and for Kara not to come flying in...but that was growing harder and harder for Alex to comply with with each passing moment.  The noise of voices grew and she heard her father shouting in the distance.

 

Gunfire quieted everything around her.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Judging from the time on the phone, they had searched for her for well over five hours.  She'd waited an extra hour and a half just to be certain.  It was dark and her body ached from being jammed into such a small space.  Her bladder wasn't happy with her either.  Alex was thirsty and her body had gone from being hungry to not and then hungry again.  

 

Putting the phone up to her ear, she listened as it rang and just hoped that Kara wasn't busy somewhere else.  It wouldn't be a number that her sister recognized.  It went to voicemail and Alex let out a shaky breath.  Worry was setting in.  She was just glad that she knew a couple of numbers, the next one she placed directly to the DEO line that she knew Vasquez (or whoever was on duty) would pick up.

 

It rang.

 

And rang.

 

They were trying to decide who was calling in.

 

It rang.

 

They were tracing the call.

 

She just hoped that they could triangulate her position.

 

It rang.

 

"Federal Bur--"

 

"Vasquez?" Alex questioned as quickly as she could push the words out.  She didn't realize how frantic she sounded until the words were already out of her mouth.  "I need Director Lane."

 

" _ Danvers _ ?!"

 

Alex knew that she didn't need to confirm her identity from how Vasquez said her surname.  She  _ knew _ .  There was a moment of silence and she knew that Vasquez was paging Lucy to the control room or asking her if she wanted it to be patched through to her (it all depended on where in the DEO she was).  There was a faint click and she could hear that she was back.

 

"Please tell me that you've got my position," Alex practically pleaded quietly.  

 

She was exhausted and she really wanted to just hear her sister's voice.  Right now, though, she knew that she needed to risk exposing herself even though technically she should be having no contact with the DEO.  She needed it right now.  They could throw her into a cell at the DEO, but right now...she needed help.  She trusted them, even Lucy...to not give Project Cadmus her location.

 

"Utah," Vasquez told her.  "Near an old town--"

 

"Is Lane coming--"

 

"Alex?" 

 

She nearly cried at the sound of her sister's voice.  " _ Kara _ ?"

 

"We've got your position, we're com--"

 

"No!" she shouted and realized it was likely louder than she should have.  Alex just hoped that she was really alone.  Alex sucked in a heavy breath and pushed the air out to try to steady herself for a moment.  "They'll be looking for you by air, Kara…  They'll know.  You can't end up in Cadmus…"

 

"She's right," and it was Lucy on the comm line.  "It's going to take us about two hours to get to you, Danvers."

 

"I could get there faster," Kara argued.

 

So Alex knew that they were likely moving people in order to extract her but that they were likely still on base or very close.  "I'll be fine for a few more hours," Alex whispered sleepily.  "I'm hidden away…"

 

"What about J'onn?"

 

Letting out a sigh, Alex wasn't really ready to get into this.  "Jeremiah helped me get out of Cadmus, but he couldn't help J'onn…"  She was quiet for a long moment before she spoke again before Kara could ask.  "I'm pretty sure they shot Jeremiah when they were looking for us."

 

"We'll be there as soon as we can," Lucy said.  "And then we'll go from there."

 

"Alex, are you okay?" Kara asked a moment later. 

 

"I am now...but I shouldn't keep talking...just in case someone is still out here looking for me...and to keep the battery from dying," Alex told her sister.  "I love you, Kara."

 

"I love you.  We'll see you soon."

 

She hit the red button to end the call and just sat there for a moment staring at the time on the phone until the light dimmed and then turned off on its own.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Hours passed.

 

She didn't move.

 

They found her all on their own.

 

By then, though, Alex couldn't move without pain.  Everyone was dressed in all black, even Kara.  Her sister lifted her out and all she could do was stare up at Kara as she carried her to the transport and think that J'onn had kept her promise.  

 

"You're going to be okay," Kara told her.

 

And she believed that.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	8. Not Her

"Tell us where she would go."

 

He didn't speak.

 

"You have to know who she'd turn to," the guard continued.  J'onn was certain that they were even more riled up with Alex's escape because they'd resorted to letting a guard attempt to interrogate him for information.  Normally, any kind of pain infliction was done at the enjoyment of the medical staff.  No matter what, J'onn was certain of one thing...he wouldn't give them any information in order to help them bring Alex back to that hell.  "Would she contact the DEO?  Her sister?"

 

He knew that they had to be monitoring both(or taking steps to do so).

 

J'onn just hoped that they all kept each other safe and looked out for each other...all of them...whoever Alex turned to.

 

"She's just a  _ girl _ ," he spoke up.  Of course, that wasn't true.  Alex Danvers was a brilliant, capable, trained, and kind woman.  J'onn hoped that maybe they would give away what they'd been doing to Alex.  Honestly, he didn't know why they would be so worked up about losing her.  They weren't using her in order to get Jeremiah Danvers to do anything and they could make him do anything they wanted.  They didn't  need Alex for any of that.  "A _ human _ girl."

 

The guard seemed almost amused now.  "You don't know what she is, do you?"

 

"She's _ human _ ."

 

"Is she?"

 

J'onn just sat there, staring at him.  The guard's grin just seemed to creepily take over his face.  It was like a scary halloween mask.  His mind raced.  They'd done things to both of them, but now...now all he could think over was Alex.  Her time in Cadmus.  The line of bloody injection sites that had swollen along her spine.  All of the needle marks that they'd left on her body.  How she'd looked so sickly and she was always exhausted.  The last three things that hit him hard was the realization that they'd changed Alex's clothing from red to teal, they'd isolated her away in a room that was obviously for long term (and obviously to make her more comfortable), and then how worked up Jeremiah had seemed over it all.  "What are you saying?" he whispered.

 

Had he failed?

 

He'd told himself that he could live...for however long they allowed that...at peace with the knowledge that Alex had made it out.  That had been all he'd wanted.  Cadmus could do whatever they wanted to him, but not  _ her _ .

 

"What if her life were in danger?"

 

Now, he felt like the guard was fishing.

 

"She was being medicated regularly...without it, her life _ is _ at risk."

 

He didn't believe him.

 

"Would you  _ risk _ her life?"

 

They were hiding something.

 

"You two seemed close."

 

"She's better off out there," J'onn countered.  

 

The guard shrugged in response like he wasn't worried about it.  "When an asset of that importance goes missing, I can guarantee you that they'll do anything and everything they can to recover it," he said.  "And with as much trouble as it's been, they can easily request the asset being brought in dead or alive.  Both forms are useful.  I guess...it just depends on  _ you _ ."

 

J'onn just glared at the man.  

 

Alex was out there.  She was  _ beyond _ Cadmus.  Jeremiah  _ had _ gotten her out.  He'd done what he'd said he was going to do.  No matter who Alex turned to, he wasn't worried about her safety.  She was smart.  He'd trained her, he knew that she'd be smart.  Plus, there was no way that Kara would let anything happen to her sister.  

 

The Danvers sisters would be safe together.  

 

He knew that.

 

He believed that.

 

"Good luck finding her."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


They must not have appreciated his responses because it landed him in one of the sterile medical rooms strapped down.  His screams filled the room and at times he felt like he was being ripped in half.  None of that mattered, though.  He could endure the pain.  He could endure  _ anything _ now.  

 

_ Alex was safe _ .

 

Cadmus didn't have her.

 

J'onn kept thinking back to all of the memories that he had of Alex Danvers...never did he ever imagine that all of those years ago...that he'd love her like he did...or that she'd be such a crucial piece of his life and heart.  

 

Eventually, the pain was too much and he allowed the darkness to take him in.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Eleven Years Before…**

  
  


A promise.

 

As soon as the house came into view, he knew that that was it.  The Danvers house at Midvale.  He hovered above the water, the night windy and cold there.  It was late, but there was one light on, in one of the top bedrooms.     
  
Jeremiah Danvers had two daughters: Alex and Kara.   
  
Ever since he'd left Peru, after trying to go through all of the memories that he'd taken in and seen in the minds of Jeremiah Danvers and Hank Henshaw, he'd carried the picture of Kara and Alex Danvers.  These girls that he promised to protect.  After it all, the only thing that seemed to make sense was to return to Henshaw's position and hope that no one would question his extended disappearance...but that was one of power and a place where he felt like he could make a difference.  He would also be close enough to the Danvers family to keep an eye on them.

 

He also had a wife, Eliza.     
  
All of this J'onn knew.  It was hard for him to think of them...to think of Jeremiah...it reminded him of himself...how he'd lost his family...his wife and daughters.  He'd lost everything and he realized...to those little girls...to Eliza Danvers...they likely felt the same way, like they'd lost everything...their father and their world (even though Earth was intact).  

 

It was then that he realized that the girls were actually sitting on the roof, they wouldn't see him (at least he didn't think so).  He watched them.  From a distance and likely for too long, but all he could think of was his own daughters.  

 

As he studied them, J'onn realized that this might possibly be harder on Kara rather than Alex.  He remembered Jeremiah telling him about how Kara was a refugee like him.  When he'd looked into Jeremiah's mind, he'd discovered that Kara had escaped Krypton's destruction, that she'd been sent there to protect her cousin while her world and her family burned.  Kara hadn't been able to see through protecting and caring for her cousin because she'd been trapped in the phantom zone and he'd grown up without her.  So, the Danvers had become a new family to Kara...one that had adopted her instantly and unconditionally.  Kara had had Jeremiah in her life for just a year and lost him...lost another father.  He couldn't imagine what it was like to have lost a family, a world, and then to lose another member of your family.  Alex, however, had gone through so much trying to adjust to having Kara in her life...but she'd been so close to her father.  It was hard on both of the girls.  As he watched them on the roof, Kara holding Alex close as she ran her fingers through her sister's dark hair, he could hear her whisper her about the planets beyond Earth that she'd been to.

 

Right now, at the ages they were at...he knew he couldn't do much.  Eliza Danvers held Hank Henshaw responsible for the death of her husband (and she wasn't wrong), but his presence would not help them now...especially given the human form he intended to take.  

 

They needed to heal.

 

He couldn't be apart of that.

 

He would still keep an eye on them from a distance...and when they needed him...he'd be there.

 

J'onn J'onzz would keep his promise.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Three Years Before…**

  
  


"What do you think?"

 

"She's  _ brilliant _ ," Torres told him.  

 

J'onn was fairly sure that they were the only ones in the world thinking that right now.  He'd continued to watch Alex Danvers from a distance.  She'd had tough spots over the years, but she'd always figured it out.  There had been no way for him to step in...not until now.  Six months ago, Alex was on the short list to be recruited by every major company in the industry worldwide, which included Queen Consolidated: Applied Sciences Division, STAR Labs, and Lord Technologies.  

 

"Better snatch her up then before any of those other places that were looking at her the other month," Vasquez said as they looked at the file on the screen.

 

"I can go with you, Boss," Adler said quickly.

 

Benanti chuckled.  "I can't see you trying to extract her from some rave…  Boss, can I come, just to watch?"

 

"I know where you sleep--"

 

"Okay, okay…" J'onn said a bit grumpily.  This was getting out of hand.  Whenever Adler and Benanti were around each other, they always either went back and forth in some way.  He was just glad that they'd ended up sorting out their differences and growing closer.  J'onn was convinced that they'd needed each other...and Charlie.  

 

Benanti was still cheery as she sat in the chair next to Vasquez.  "So?  Who is it?  Because I'd totally go...you know, not freak her out with all the alien stuff--"

 

"You'd just lull her into a false sense of friendship?" Adler countered.  

 

"Hey now…  She and I are totally going to be friends…"  She spun in the chair until the boss stopped it with his hand.  "Do we know if she sings?  That's a plus for me…"

 

Although he had to keep a tough exterior, he had no doubt that Alex Danvers would fit in with the DEO agents he'd recruited.  The frequency of his recruitments tended to work out perfectly, there would be a good six to eight months in between which would allow for the last recruit to mesh in with the others nicely.  It seemed to make it more a family, which was something that he had never intended.  He looked back at the women he'd recruited, as much as he'd avoided attachment, he couldn't have been prouder of his agents.  "For right now, just Adler...but we'll see how it goes…"

 

"It's because I've had too many coffees today, isn't it?"

 

He couldn't help but smirk slightly at Benanti's comment.  "I was going to say it was because you're still new...but you do get a little scary to people who don't know you when you've had as many as you've had today…"

 

"It's hard maintaining my level of awesome without the massive caffeine intake," Benanti told him all too seriously.

 

"Do we have eyes on her, Vasquez?" J'onn questioned.

 

"She's at the same club she was at last night," Vasquez reported.

 

"Keep an eye on her," J'onn insisted.  "We need to move at the right time."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Alex…"

 

J'onn blinked his eyes, struggling to regain consciousness when her name hit his ears.  As he took in his new surroundings, at first he believed that Alex's name had come from his own mouth without him realizing it.

 

"Alex…"

 

The voice was weak and yet J'onn found it familiar.  

 

"Alex…"

 

J'onn had been strapped to a type of table that could be locked in a vertical position.  He looked to the side and who he saw there...he hadn't expected.  What he said came out in a huff of a shocked breath, "Jeremiah?"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	9. Surviving

"J'onn," Alex breathed as her eyes flew open.  She immediately started to panic when she saw the IV stand, sitting straight up and looking for an exit.  As her fingers wrapped around the IV lead in her hand, she found her fingers being torn away.  

 

"Alex, you're  _ safe _ …  Hey,  _ look at me _ ."

 

She didn't have any choice in it.  Alex was yanked around until she came face to face with her sister.  She blinked rapidly, her chest pounded, and her lungs squeezed from fear.  Kara was still there.  Tears pushed their way forward and she just reached out to grab Kara with all the might she had.  

 

"You're safe," Kara whispered as she ran her hand in circles over her back and just held her.

 

"J'onn," Alex breathed as the realization that he was still back there hit her hard.  "We have to--"

 

"Lucy's looking into our options...right now, we just need you to rest…"

 

"Jeremiah…"

 

Now Kara held her back and stared at her.  "They found blood, but no body…"

 

Her fingers were wrapping around the IV tubing again and she went to yank it out.  "I can't stay here--"

 

"Stop!" Kara shouted.  "Alex, you're not going to do anyone any good if you don't give yourself a chance to recover…  You were dehydrated, malnourished, and exhausted--"  

 

"How many hours have I been here?"

 

"Nearly ten hours…"

 

"I have to--"

 

Her sister's voice got really quiet.  "What did they do to you in Cadmus?"

 

Alex shook her head.  "It doesn't matter--"

 

"It does," she said firmly with so much love and concern.  "It matters.  I saw the marks along your spine."  She turned Alex's arms so that the insides showed side by side.  "We've all seen the marks that they did  _ something _ to you…"

 

"They were taking samples…  They were doing it as torture...no pain killers," Alex told her sister.  She knew that Kara wouldn't stop until she told her something.  She tried to explain the best she could, but her voice broke halfway through and then turned into a heartbreaking whisper.  "I think they were going to start experimenting on me...that's why Jeremiah finally decided he would help...that's why J'onn made me go without him."  Now she really started to break down.  "Kara, I should have never left Cadmus without him--"

 

"Okay, shhh…" Kara said as she wrapped arms around her sister once again.  "We're going to  _ find _ him.  He's strong.  You  _ know  _ that.  He's going to hang in there until we can pull him out.  Have faith in him."

 

And she did.

 

" _ Soon _ , Kara," Alex pushed.  

 

Whatever they'd thought about Cadmus before, Alex was witness to the fact that it was about a thousand times more horrific than any of them could have imagined.  It was hard for her to breathe, to calm, to accept it...to let it wash over her.  She closed her eyes and just concentrated on Kara.  

 

"You  _ need _ to _ rest _ ."

 

She'd slept ten hours, but she knew that had to be nothing compared to how long they were gone.

 

"How long?" Alex questioned.

 

"I told you--"

 

"Were-- _ have _ we been gone?" she corrected her question.  Time didn't pass the same inside of Cadmus.  Alex had had no idea when it had been day or night...when a day had passed...a week..or anything more.  She'd woken up many times having no idea how long she'd been out.  They'd had all the control and Alex felt the need to struggle to regain some sense of what had happened to her, even if for the moment it was knowing how long the bastards had had them captive inside of their prison.

 

"I don't know," Kara admitted softly as she released her.  Their eyes never leaving each other.  "You and J'onn left Lucy and I almost two months ago…  I hadn't heard anything from you--"

 

"We were trying to keep you safe."

 

Kara smiled at that.  "You know, I  _ can  _ take care of myself, too."

 

"I couldn't have beared knowing that I was the cause of them coming after you...sending you to Cadmus," Alex said weakly and honestly.  As she carefully relaxed back against the bed, she realized just how exhausted she was.  "Neither one of us were willing to risk it…  You were needed in National City...and at the DEO…"  She closed her eyes for a moment, her hand seeking out Kara's, to keep some link to her sister.  She breathed and thought back.  It seemed like a lifetime ago that they'd left Kara and Lucy...that they'd escaped and set out knowing that they couldn't go back...at least not until they'd completed their mission and they'd hoped...clear their names.

 

"Alex?"

 

" _ Four weeks _ …"

 

"Four weeks?"

 

"A month out there...a  _ month _ in Cadmus," Alex supplied.  As she thought about each time separately, they didn't seem like they could be the same amount of time.  All she could think was that her time in Cadmus had felt so much longer...it had felt more like four years.  "But it felt so much longer, Kara," she whispered as her voice broke and she couldn't keep herself calm anymore.  Keeping her eyes shut, squeezing them to try to keep any fresh tears at bay, she let out a shuddering breath before a sob escaped her lips.  "And J'onn's  _ still _ there…"

 

"We're  _ going _ to find him," Kara whispered.  "Believe that."

 

She was trying to.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


They couldn't keep her in bed for too long.  Once she was rehydrated and she'd eaten something, she hadn't been able to allow herself to remain in medical.  So, she'd checked herself out.  Kara was gone, apparently Eliza had shown up in National City looking for both of them.  Alex hadn't talked to her mother in two months and Kara had been trying to cover without worrying her.  Obviously, they'd both failed on some level.

 

She'd been so thankful that Adler had brought by the spare set of black clothes she'd kept in her locker at the DEO, so that she didn't have to walk around in the blue scrubs.  Although Alex was technically not supposed to be there at the DEO (at least not walking around free), she really should be in a cell if anything.  None of that had come up though and Alex was grateful for it.  Though she was concerned about people getting into trouble.

 

"It's good to see you up."

  
Alex looked up and saw Lucy standing holding open the door to J'onn's office...the director of the DEO's office...which she realized  _ was _ Lucy ( _ at least _ for the meantime).  As she stilled for a moment, she realized that was where she was going.  During her time at the DEO, she'd always been able to go to J'onn if there was anything she needed to talk about.  "It's good to be up...and not feeling so crappy."

 

"I assume that Kara told you that I'm working on a few different ways to get J'onn out of Cadmus?" Lucy questioned and then motioned to the interior of the office.

 

Taking in a breath, she moved into J'onn's office and just stood there until Lucy moved to sit in the seat Alex was used to seeing J'onn sitting in.  After a moment, she sat in the chair opposite.  "She did...and I can tell you that it isn't smart…"

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"You'd be risking everything," Alex laid out.  "Don't get me wrong.  J'onn is not remaining in Cadmus, but you don't know him--"

 

"The last eight weeks I've been doing everything that I can to basically be the closest I can to you and J'onn J'onzz...because I've read all the files and reports...I've talked to all of the agents here...and there are no people that are better suited to this job than the two of you," Lucy explained.  "I might not have really gotten to know either of you personally...but in these eight weeks, I feel like I know you both.  I know that you might blame me--"

 

"I don't," Alex interrupted quickly.  Lucy had called her out for lying, but in the end...Lucy had been doing her job (and she'd been right).  "But you don't owe--"

 

"I may be the acting as the director the DEO currently," Lucy explained.  "But I will risk it all...and I'm certain that every agent in this building is willing to do the same."  She tilted her head and a smile spread across her face.  "And everyone else who's home, but also works here…  Adler and Benanti have already volunteered."

 

"What?"

 

"The moment that they knew we were only picking you up, they both volunteered," Lucy said with a shrug.  

 

It was sort of nice to know that Lucy didn't feel completely adapted to her position as director of the DEO.  Alex knew that if she really wasn't doing a good job (even though Kara had practically gushed otherwise) that the others would be treating Lucy a certain way.  "Does Adler bring you donuts?"

 

"She gave me one the other day actually…"

 

"Was that the first time?"

 

"I...think...so…" Lucy said slowly, obviously not following.  "Is that significant?  Is there something I'm not understanding?"

 

"It means that she likes you, that you're accepted as a member of the DEO," Alex explained.  "If Adler gives you a donut, then she has to like you...or  _ really  _ want something...or both."

 

Lucy seemed pleased with that knowledge.  She was quiet for a moment, leaning back in the chair, and then it was like a lightbulb went off.  "Oh!  I found something…  They wanted me to box up all of J'onn's possessions and send them in, but I've been putting it off," Lucy explained as she pulled open a drawer.  "I found something...and I thought you might want it."  She held it out to Alex.  

 

Taking the item from Lucy's hand, she looked it over and smiled.  It was a small wallet sized picture (back when people actually kept pictures in their wallets and not just on their cell phones).  It was of her and Kara when they were younger, not long after Kara joined their family.  A smile instantly spread across her face.  It was aged and the edges were worn.  She realized that J'onn had likely gotten it from her father.  She sucked in a shaky breath and tried to just focus on happy thoughts.  

 

"You know, this picture...it was taken about an hour after Kara and I had this huge fight...well...actually, I was the one who was upset and Kara just sort of took it."  She shrugged.  "It wasn't easy then…  I didn't realize how much I really wanted or needed Kara in my life, needed a sister.  My parents decided that we needed to bond and instead of forcing it, we made a mess making ice cream sundaes for an early dinner...we went down to the beach to run and splash and...just be kids…"

 

"That had to be hard--"

 

"That was one of the best days of my life," Alex admitted with a smile.  She paused for a moment.  "Can I keep this?"

 

"Yeah."  They were both quiet for a long moment.  "I'm really sorry about your father."

 

Alex just nodded as she stared down at the picture.  "He was a good man...even after everything Cadmus did to him...deep down...he was still that man...my father."

 

"Are you certain that he's--"

 

"Dead?" Alex questioned and she found it odd that those words slipped from her mouth with so little emotion.  It was hard after everything she'd endured in Cadmus.  After everything that she'd been through as far as her father was concerned, it was hard not to be jaded.  "I  _ know  _ they shot him…  They _ knew _ that he helped me escape," Alex whispered.  "He's better off dead...believe me, he wouldn't want to end up back at Cadmus…"

 

The silence stretched on.

 

"You know that you can't be part of the mission--"

 

''I'm going!" Alex insisted, getting angry.  

 

"They'll be looking for a chance to detain you--"

 

"Let them try," she challenged.  

 

"The rest of us shouldn't even be doing this.  Everyone's risking everything, but J'onn and your father risked to get you out--"

 

"I'll wear a mask, I'll do anything you want... _ except _ stay behind," Alex told her plainly.  "He's my family too…"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  
  
  



	10. Never

**Three Years Before…**

  
  


His recruitment of Alex Danvers hadn't gone as he'd planned.  Agent Adler hadn't been necessary as he'd had to go and bail her out of jail (of course that was after she'd agree to join them).  That out of control, angry, and even confused young woman wasn't just born...that was how she'd been taught to be since the death of her father.  Certain events had occurred which had pushed Alex to that point.  Now, though, he was determined to put her back on the right path (the path that her father would have wanted her on).  

 

He watched as she looked around the DEO with endless wonder.  

 

The other agents assembled beside him and he knew that Alex's coming in right on Benanti's heels was going to be the best thing.  Each agent that was added to the DEO changed each other...for the better.  He'd guaranteed that by how specifically he chose each agent.  His ability to read people's minds came in handy, but the people they were at the core was even more than he'd expected.  That was the true brilliance of them all...they strengthened and furthered even the person  _ he _ could see deep down inside each of them.  

 

"Don't worry...the splendor of it will wear off in a couple of weeks," Adler said monotonically.  

 

"Or... _ not _ ," Benanti interrupted with clearly another point of view.  "This place is practically like the Warehouse…"

 

Adler ignored her.  "Shall we give her the grand tour, Boss?"

 

"I thought that was what I was doing?" J'onn questioned.  "But perhaps introductions are in order?  Not that this is everyone."

 

"But we're your  _ favorites _ ," Benanti spoke brightly and bounced a bit. 

 

Favorites.

 

"I don't  _ have _ favorites," he lied quite convincingly.  J'onn motioned to each one of them in turn.  "Harewood.  Torres.  Vasquez.  Adler.  Benanti."  Then he turned and motioned to their newest recruit.  "Alex Danvers."

 

"As in Alexandra?  Alexandria?" Benanti questioned.

 

" _ Alex _ ," he and Alex said in unison before looking at each other.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Alex…"

 

This time, it wasn't Jeremiah who was whispering her name, he realized as he snapped to consciousness.  No, it was  _ him _ .  He'd passed out at some point.  J'onn couldn't even remember what they'd been doing that had forced him to pass out.  They were trying to get information out of him, he knew, even though they insisted that that wasn't actually their goal...that it was for science.  

 

"Jeremiah?" he whispered as his head swung to the side. 

 

The sight of Jeremiah Danvers still wasn't exactly what he'd expected.  Whatever they'd done to Jeremiah to bring him back all those years ago in Peru, they'd made him part machine and now that some of the flesh had been removed, he looked like something out of a science fiction movie.  J'onn had no idea if the man actually knew what he was deep down, what they'd done to him.

 

"I'm still here," Jeremiah told him.  "And Alex...she's safe."

 

It was the _ only  _ thing that brought him peace and eased the pain.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Two Years Before…**

  
  


"You're ready," J'onn told her as he found himself pinned against one of the walls of the DEO.  He and Alex had been training...sparring.  His whole point of training her...or any of his agents...was to train them to the point where he felt comfortable sending them out into the field against superpowered aliens and them coming back alive.  With Alex, he felt like she had to be even better.  

 

Favorites.

 

Yes, he definitely had them.

 

Alex was a favorite.

 

She reminded him of Jeremiah and there were days where that very thought almost slipped out.  Preparing Alex for battle in the field was one thing, but he knew that it was important for her to also be in the lab.  Alex had a brilliant mind and science was so important in her life (also another connection to her father).  J'onn knew that Alex was getting anxious to get out in the field and in general...leave the facility.

 

"There's a mission--"

 

"I'm in."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Talk to me?"

 

"Better to rest," J'onn told him sympathetically.  

 

"You should have gone with her…"

 

"I couldn't--"

 

"I should have _made_ it possible."

 

As they both just were there, still strapped in place, all J'onn could think about was Alex and the look on her face as Jeremiah dragged her away for the last time.  He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath.  She was safe now.  She would have gone to Kara.  The DEO would have helped her, there was a reason why he'd 'suggested' to Harper that Lucy Lane be the new director of the DEO.  That's who his agents needed to be in charge now, someone who could be influenced by not only Kara...but by all of his agents.  

 

"I hope she's alive out there…"

 

Jeremiah's last comment confused him.  They knew Alex was out there, alive and safe.  Why would he say it like that?  Of course, it was clear that Jeremiah wasn't completely there.  He was almost like Jekyll and Hyde.  So far as they'd been confined together, though, he'd seemed like Jeremiah the father.  "She's out there...she's alive...she's safe...you said--"

 

"She _ has _ to  _ have _ the meds."

 

J'onn felt sick suddenly.  "Jeremiah...what are you talking about?  Why would she need--"

 

"They had her on a steady dosage of something," Jeremiah pointed out.  "In my experience...they only put someone on them in order to keep them from dying or to reject whatever had been done to them...which later results in dying."

 

Alex.

 

"What did they do to her?"

 

"When they put someone in that teal color, it means that they're more important than any other asset in this complex," Jeremiah prattled on.  He almost sounded drunk.  "They'll do anything and everything to bring Alex back to Cadmus.  It won't matter if she's dead or alive.  They can learn even more if she's dead--"

 

"She's not going to die!" he snapped.  J'onn pulled against the restraints.  Anger filled him and all he wanted was answers.  He needed the knowledge that Alex was out there...safe and alive.  Now all he had was guilt and uncertainty.  He couldn't survive with that.  He kept pulling on the restraints angrily and started to shout in Jeremiah's direction.  " _ Tell me what they did to her! _ "

 

Jeremiah's response, though, was completely quiet and calm.  "There are so many possibilities...it's impossible for me to know for certain what they did to her…"  His voice changed then, still quiet, but foreboding.  "There is _ one  _ thing for  _ certain _ ...she is  _ not _ the  _ same  _ Alex Danvers that you fell in love with…"

 

Every worst case scenario that he could think of pummeled his previous calm state and he couldn't control himself.  He fought against the straps that held him down, he screamed, and with every breath of his being...he tried to will his abilities as a Green Martian.

 

It didn't work.

 

For all intents, he was  _ human _ .  He didn't know where the emitter was, but he knew that they were throughout the Cadmus facility.  If he could just knock out  _ one _ , he knew that he could have a chance at escaping.  It would just take that  _ one moment of a chance _ .

 

_ Alex _ .

 

Alex was out there.

 

She  _ had _ to still be  _ alive _ .

 

He  _ needed _ to get to her.

 

He  _ needed _ to get to her  _ first _ .

 

But as he continued to scream, to fight against the shackles as the reality of the state of things within Cadmus and beyond...he found himself being zapped with electricity, to the point where he eventually stilled and blacked out.  

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Earlier that Year…**

  
  


He'd revealed himself to her.

 

His _ true self _ .

 

_ J'onn J'onzz. _

 

It had been so hard to keep the truth of his existence and his reason for protecting her so fiercely.  There was some freedom in the truth.  To her credit, Alex Danvers hadn't balked at his oversized green alien appearance (and he would have known because of his telepathy), instead she was simply in awe and curious.  It had been a relief and so delightful to listen to all the questions that she had.

 

The one question that he was glad that she didn't push was about her father's death.  He had felt like he'd told her what she needed to know in that moment, but the  _ entire truth _ ... _ the entire story _ ...he didn't think she was ready to hear it...and he wasn't ready to  _ tell  _ it.  That day had been such a dark time...for him and for Alex and the rest of the Danvers family.  

 

"Can I ask you a question?"

 

He turned to see that she'd let herself into his office, though he'd sensed her long before she'd even touched the glass door that led into his office sanctuary.  J'onn gave her a silent nod.  

 

"You recruited me--"

 

"You know why I recruited you...we've been over this," he told her gently.  "That's not the real question you want to ask though."

 

It took her a moment.  Her hands were on her hips, her hair had slid down and was nearly covering her face completely as she looked away from him.  She was collecting her thoughts, thinking over the question he already knew was lingering in her mind.  Finally, she looked back up at him.  "You said when you recruited me...when you were training me...that I had to be able to beat you," Alex said slowly.  He knew that she was going over that moment in her head.  "Did you go easy on me?"

 

J'onn smiled in response.  It was almost amusement.  "No."

 

"No?"

 

"Never."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  
  



	11. Family Squabble

"Danvers  _ shouldn't _ be going."

 

"I can _ hear  _ you, Adler," Alex snapped and glared at the slightly older woman.  They were all crammed together in the DEO's armory gearing up for their half assessed plan, so it wouldn't like there was a lot of distance.  They could all hear everything.  All of them in there, all dressed in full black gear like they would for any mission, not really looking at each other as they geared.

 

Adler wasn't going to make this easy.  She holstered the weapon she'd just grabbed and stomped the few feet across the room until they were both glaring at each other, only a foot apart.  "I call it like I see it," Adler told her crisply.  "You're  _ emotionally compromised _ .  You were  _ held _ in that facility  _ against your will _ .  You're _ not _ an asset for infiltration because you don't remember crap.  You're a liability--"

 

"I remember my training!" Alex spat back, not backing down.  She wasn't going to be left behind.  "I'm not going to just sit here and let all of you go and risk everything to get him back without me…no chance in hell."

 

"I stepped out of the room for  _ one minute _ ," came Lucy's surprised voice.  

 

Alex's eyes didn't leave Adler's.  Everyone in that room, except Lucy, had been apart of the DEO longer than Alex had.  Her fingers curled up into angry fists and she wasn't going to back down.  They weren't taking many agents, but Alex had still been the last to be recruited from those who surrounded her.  Somehow, it made her feel like she'd failed him  _ most _ …

 

Benanti intervened, putting a hand on Adler's shoulder.  "If the roles were reversed," Lara said gently.  "None of us would be sitting on our hands here when we could be out in the field.  We all agreed that we were willing to risk everything to get the boss back, that included Danvers."  Lara shrugged.  "Plus, she's going to have the rest of us to look out for her.  If she starts to get too emotional, someone will be there to pull her into check...or knock her out," Benanti completed making it sound like it was the most kind thing that they could.

 

" _ Right _ ," Lucy called.  "Let's grab what we need...and get to our transport.  It's waiting."

 

Alex moved away from Adler and Benanti and followed Lucy.  "What about Kara?"

 

"She's already at the transport--"

 

"She can't be dressed as--"

 

"Don't worry," Lucy told her.  "She was there when we went over everything.  She knows.  She's dressed in black.  We all agreed to make every attempt to conceal our identities, that hasn't changed."

 

"Ma'am!" Vasquez shouted from the control area.  From the sound of her voice, it was clear that there was something wrong.  "We have a problem!"  Even before they could move to Vasquez's position, the klaxons blared through the base.  

 

They knew why from the images on the monitors before Vasquez even said anything.  General Lab was on approach.  "You have to hide...your sister--"

 

"Lane?" Kara questioned, suddenly there.  As Lucy had said, Kara was dressed in black and for a split second, Alex found it trippy because Kara looked so much like she had on the night that Kara and Lucy had saved them from the truck to Cadmus.  

 

"You  _ have  _ to  _ hide _ ," Lucy told them.

 

She knew why.  Kara needed to hide because she wasn't dressed properly (though that could be amended quickly) and Alex because she was supposed to be deemed a traitor and in a cell in Cadmus.  There was also the clear fact that all of them (including her and Kara) were geared up to go on a mission together.  That would raise flags just by the fact that they were all in matching gear.

 

Alex started to argue, Lucy was obviously a good person, but this was putting a lot on the line plus she was going to be going up against her own father.  "You  _ shouldn't _ get into  _ trouble _ \--"

 

"It's  _ my choice _ , Agent Danvers," Lucy snapped.  "Now  _ both of you _ ...get out of here...or hide."

 

"I'd suggest  _ hiding _ ," Vasquez told them.  "That way if they look at our system, they won't see your route away…"

 

"I have  _ just the place _ ," Benanti told them and then grinned mischievously in Adler's direction.

 

Adler sighed and threw up an arm.  " _ Fine _ ...give away _ all _ our secrets."

 

Benanti pouted for a moment.  "It's for a  _ good cause _ , Love."  She put an arm around the Danvers.  "We love them, remember?"

 

"You said it," Adler grumbled and turned away.  "You babysit while I go give a tour to General Jackass…"  She glanced at Lucy.  "No offense, of course, Ma'am."

 

"None taken."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


They had been taken into a utility closet that had a secret door behind it, it was extremely hard to find unless you were looking for it.  As far as Alex knew and from what Benanti had said, it wasn't on the actual DEO plans.  It led to something that reminded her of a crude panic room.  Whatever it was, she and Kara sat next to each other in the dim with a flashlight acting as their light in the middle of the room.  All they did was listen.

 

Time passed and Alex purposely avoided looking down at the watch on her wrist to see just how much time had gone by.  She sighed and then realized that she was tired.  She didn't want to be tired.  Once General Lane left, they needed to go to Cadmus.  They needed to get J'onn out of that torture prison.  

 

"Alex?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"You okay?"

 

"Yeah…"

 

"You're lying," Kara accused gently.

 

Alex crinkled up her face and shook her head.  "I'm not…"

 

"Your heart rate has dropped slightly...your breathing is shaky--"

 

"Kara, I'm--"

 

"Drink something," Kara argued as she shoved a bottle of water into her sister's hands.  Her hand immediately sought out Alex's forehead, which just made her grumpier.  "You're warm...and sweaty…"

 

"I'm fine."

 

"You can lie to _ everyone else _ ," Kara said gently, "but you  _ can't _ lie to  _ me _ ."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


At some point, she'd fallen asleep up against Kara.  The change in light concentration and the scraping sound was what woke her.  Benanti and Adler were peering in at them.  Alex was certain that they were about to say that the coast was clear, she could feel Kara stirring against her.

 

" _ Crap _ , Danvers...what the  _ hell _ happened to you?" Adler asked.  "You look like death  _ mostly _ warmed over…"

 

"Thanks, Adler."

 

"Sure.  Anytime."

 

Benanti sighed.  "Let's get you to med bay, not like we're going anywhere right now," she said as she moved in and helped Alex out of the secret hideaway area.  

 

"What?  Why?" Alex asked in a groan.  As much as she didn't want to admit it, she really did feel like she needed to go to med bay.  She didn't want to stay there, but it definitely felt like she needed something.  

 

"We're being monitored...and it's too late.  Alice and I have to go...and Davis needs to go home," Benanti informed her as she helped her to med bay.  "We have to keep things as normal as possible."  She shrugged.  "Director Lane tried to explain that we were going out, but all of our missions are scrubbed until further notice...don't worry, though, she's on the phone…"  She was quiet for a moment.  "She's full of fury when she's arguing, let me just tell you…"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Whatever's wrong with her...it's from what they did to her at Cadmus," she heard Doctor Hamilton explaining.

 

Alex was laying there, pretending to sleep.  The doctor was likely explaining it Lucy and Kara.  Her sister might realize that she was awake, but she didn't think that her sister would say anything.  All she wanted to do was hear it without someone trying to sugar coat things.

 

"I've compared it to her other blood samples, I don't know what to tell you," Doctor Hamilton continued.  "I've sought out treatments and conferred with Doctor Hernandez…whatever they were giving her at Cadmus, we think that they made her dependent on it."  She sighed and paused for a moment.  "She's going to die without it."

 

"You can't be sure," Kara argued.

 

"I can," Hamilton insisted.  "Whatever they did to Danvers, it wasn't kind and it wasn't pleasant.  They experimented on her...and I don't know exactly what they were doing...but I can tell you that even though the army has us grounded...that I'd suggest that we go around that order.  She's not going to survive much longer.  Her body is going to shut down, right now her body is literally fighting itself."

 

"How long?" Lucy questioned.

 

"I can't be certain."

 

"I could fly to Cadmus--" Kara started.

 

" _ No _ ," Lucy shut down quickly.  "We go in together.  The entire team.  I'll call them in."

 

"Even though I don't like the idea of her being a liability in the field for the team, I would suggest you take Danvers along with her," Hamilton said.  "She's going to need that medication as soon as she can get it...and make sure you bring back enough of a batch for me to formulate."

 

All Alex knew was that Adler had been right, but for different reasons.  She shouldn't go, but then Hamilton…  Even though Alex desperately wanted to go, she didn't want the reason for going to be different.  The objective needed to remain getting J'onn fried, finding whatever crap they were dosing her with needed to be secondary.  

 

"Just do it fast," Hamilton said.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	12. Hope

J'onn J'onzz woke in another cell (or at least he was fairly sure it was another cell).  This time, though, he found himself strung up and hanging from the ceiling.  He was alone.  Jeremiah wasn't there with him and all he could remember was the sharp pain that had shot through him from the electrical shock they'd dealt to him.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Earlier that Year…**

  
  


It was the first time since he'd taken the persona of Hank Henshaw where he thought that he might actually lose Alex.  All of those years of watching over Alex Danvers and her family...and because of his past...he almost lost her.  As he stared at her from above, all he could think was that it had come so close.  

 

The White Martian.

 

He'd froze up before...she'd stepped in and protected him the best that she could.  She'd been there for him, she'd listened to his story about Mars and what had happened to the Green Martians...to his people...to his family...to his wife...to his daughters…

 

He'd told Kara and Alex that they were like daughters.

 

He still believed that.

 

He loved them fiercely.

 

Loving the Danvers sister was not something that he'd ever planned on doing.  It was a contagious thing, though, with both of them.  He couldn't not love them.  He could have lost them and that echoed through his head.  It would have been his fault.  He would have failed his family and these human girls he claimed as his daughters.  

 

Alex was suddenly looking up at him and he instantly looked away, as if he wasn't actually watching her.  He sucked in a breath and could sense her and her thoughts.  He should have before, to keep her from catching him staring...but he'd been so lost in his own thoughts.  It wasn't something he allowed himself to do often.  

 

A few minutes later, she was behind him on the walkway.  He didn't turn to her, he just waited for her to join him.  

 

"You've been quiet since we got back."

 

"I made mistakes, Alex…"

 

"You _trusted_ _us_...you trusted _yourself_ ," Alex pressed.  "Those weren't mistakes."

 

"I froze--"

 

"And I was right there."

 

He looked over at her.  If it had been anyone else that had been with him when he'd froze up with the White Martian in the field...they would have certainly judged him, but here she was acting like it was nothing.  He placed his hands on his hips and his gaze turned downward.  "It can't happen again…"

 

"It's not, the White Martian's locked up--"

 

"There are more out there, Alex...and eventually, they'll come here…"

 

"And when they do, we'll be ready," she told him confidently.  When he lifted his head, there she was staring at him.  " _ All of us.  Together _ ."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


His mind was looking for a way out.  

 

_ Any way  _ out.  

 

As J'onn hung there in his cell, all he could think was that Alex needed help...she needed what they had in Cadmus.  There had to be a way for him to get it to her.  He squeezed his eyes shut, but horrors continued to haunt him.  His mind kept flipping between images of Alex crying...suffering...but then suddenly it was his wife and daughters burning on Mars.  Screaming, he struggled even though he knew it was useless.  

 

He couldn't give up on hope.

 

Alex was going to die.

 

He couldn't let that happen.

 

He wouldn't.

  
  


There had to be a way out.

 

He didn't know what it was that brought them in, but eventually they used their shock sticks on him until he passed out…

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


It was sunny and bright.  

 

Even though this wasn't something he did often, it was a special occasion.  

 

A birthday.

 

Giggling filled the air and then it was like he was dragged into reality.  It felt like everything brightened for a moment as he scanned the party.  There was bright decorations and balloons everywhere, a jumper, food everywhere, and people that he saw everyday in clothes he didn't often see them in...and they were all happy and smiling (which was also something that he didn't see everyday).  

 

There were some agents he saw there that tried to avoid socializing outside of work, but he was glad to see them.  Kara and Alex Danvers at the other end of the party caught his eye and when they waved at him, he waved back.  If anyone could bring out all of these people, he knew it was whose birthday they were honoring.

 

He found himself being run into and when he looked down, a grin spread across his face.  "Well, if it isn't the birthday girl herself," he said and picked her up.  

 

"You never ever come to anything fun anymore!" she greeted him cheerily before wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging tightly.  "I'm so glad that you came, Uncle J'onn," she whispered into his ear.

 

As he held her, all he could do was remember her when she was so tiny...so scared...and yet so brave.  He'd held her then.  It had been so much harder then because it had been hard to hold down his emotions of his own daughters at that age.  As time went on, it became easier...but he always remembered.  

 

"Do you know how old I am?"

 

"Five," J'onn responded brightly.  

 

"Am I?" she asked in an odd tone.

 

It was like he was pulled away and then shoved back unexpectedly.  The colors dimmed and paled.  What was more shocking was that he wasn't holding anyone anymore.  "Charlie?!"  He spun around, searching for her...now only seeing people that he didn't recognize.  He moved past them and then stopped.

 

On the other end of the party, he found a group dressed in black.  Rain fell from the sky and the party behind him disappeared.  It was grey and wet and miserable.  He wanted to continue to look for Charlie, but somehow...he was drawn to the other gathering.  As he got closer, he realized he recognized people.

 

Vasquez.

 

Adler.

 

Torres.

 

And then he couldn't breathe.

 

Headstones were lined up in front of the gathering.  All the names on the stones he recognized. His chest tightened and the world spun.  Each name hit him separately, but just as hard as the face of the person flashed into his mind.

 

Davis Harewood.

 

Lara Benanti.

 

Charlotte Benanti.

 

Alexandra Danvers.

 

It wasn't possible, he told himself.  The crowd turned, every single one of them now staring at them.  He knew them all.  All of them.  If they weren't one of his agents, then he was a member of an agent's family like Harewood's wife and kids.  All of them were draped in black, but their clothing wasn't drenched from the rain like his was.  They eerie moved together and then Lucy Lane at the front of the group pointed to him.  "This is your doing...they're dead because of you...because you failed them.   _ You failed all of us _ ."  Their faces disappeared for a moment and all that was left was skeletons in black with glowing eyes.  "You always fail us, J'onn J'onzz…"

 

"No!" he shouted.  His eyes glancing back to the gravestones.  It wasn't possible.  They weren't dead.  When he looked back, what he saw was even more horrific than the skeletonized agents that had once stood there.

 

Charlie.

 

" _ It's not real _ ," J'onn whispered.

 

The little girl smiled and took a step towards him.  Her hair was down and curled on the ends.  She was wearing a bright brilliant blue dress, which reminded him of something...but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.  "The reality of this is that you have allowed people you love to die."

 

He put his hands up to his head, holding it.  "You're trying to trick me!"

 

"This isn't Cadmus, J'onn J'onzz," she said almost cheerily.  "This is you.  Your own mind see you being responsible for killing all of these people you love...even this child."

 

"Stop!"

 

"I'm you...if you want me to stop, you could end it…" Charlie told him almost mockingly.  

 

" _ End it _ ," came another voice.

 

A familiar one.

 

His eyes snapped open and his eyes filled with tears.  Charlie wasn't there anymore, but instead was replaced by Alex.  " _ No...please...not her… _ "

 

The image of Alex moved towards him and suddenly her visage morphed, her pallor turning grey and her eyes turning black.  She almost looked alien for a moment or possessed.  Black blood started to pour from her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth as she continued to move towards him.  " _ End it _ !" she shouted, her voice distorting towards the end to something that didn't sound like Alex's voice at all.

 

J'onn just stared at her, reminding himself that it really wasn't Alex.  His heart was breaking at the realization that this might just the last closest time that he'd have to looking into all of their faces...into  _ her face _ .   As tears flooded his cheeks, he forced the reminder that the ghoulish form of Alex in front of him was just his own head...his subconscious filled with emotions he couldn't make right...the guilt, the doubt, the fear, the regret...all of it…

 

Gunshots.

 

He looked around, but there was nothing.

 

" _ Ignore it _ ," the ghouled Alex ground out angrily.

 

He couldn't.

 

They didn't stop and he realized...that the gunshots...they were trying to pull him out of the nightmare he seemed stuck in.  The gunshots were  _ reality _ ...and just maybe...he had a chance…

 

Just maybe...there was _ hope _ .

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


When his eyes snapped open, he felt even more drained than he had before.  J'onn blinked rapidly as he wished suddenly for a long observation window like the one that had been in the cell he and Alex had shared before.  There was just a tiny window in the door of this.  He couldn't see anything out of it, but he heard the gunshots.  

 

_ Hope _ .

 

The lights flickered for just a moment before the entire cell...and facility beyond...went black.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	13. Extraction

Alex had been pumped full of fluids and whatever else Hamilton had shot her up with.  She'd checked out at one point and she knew that Kara was worried.  She'd already had a talk with her sister about trying not to tell her about things (since Alex had overheard what Doctor Hamilton had told Kara and Lucy).  She'd also insisted that finding whatever drugs they were shooting her up with at Cadmus was a secondary priority (of course, he sister didn't agree with that...and then eventually the entire transport vehicle had bursted out into a discussion over how to do things).

 

"It should be black down there," came Benanti's voice over comms.  

 

The plan was that Alex had to stick right with either Adler or Harewood (apparently they were the ones that Benanti had said 'could handle Alex when she got super feisty').  Everyone was in full black, no markings, and with ski masks on.  Kara was even told to limit herself with her powers, so that that wasn't something picked up (well at least until they'd gotten the cameras down).  Right now, she was walking with Harewood and Torres.  Kara hadn't wanted to leave her, but they'd split up in order to cover  more ground and to achieve both of their objectives.  

 

Alex was having a hard time keeping up, but as much as she told people to go on without her, they ignored her.  Torres helped her along while Harewood took the lead and took out and secured any guards that got between them and where they were going.  The cameras were down, but they were still doing their best to conceal their identities.

 

Pulling away from Torres, Alex perked for a moment as she stilled.  It was getting harder to hold her own weight up herself, but she was determined to see this mission through.  She'd wanted to go and even with what she knew now (and how she would have demanded they leave her behind with the new knowledge, because she hadn't wanted to be a liability), she was trying to push herself to find J'onn...even if it were the last thing she did.

 

"What is it?" Torres questioned.

 

"I think we're going in the right direction," Alex whispered weakly.  

 

Harewood looked confused and went to say something.

 

"Turn left and then right and then it's two cells down on the right side," Alex pushed out.  She watched as Harewood moved quickly ahead of them as Torres grabbed her, supporting part of her weight and helping her move down the corridor.  

 

She  _ was _ right. 

 

It was the  _ right  _ cell.

 

It  _ had  _ been the right cell.

 

But J'onn wasn't there.

 

It was  _ empty _ .

 

The floor was smeared with blood that led right to the door and into the hallway.  Panic and fear filled her.  She watched as Torres put her finger up to her comms piece.  

 

"Benanti, do you have eyes on the cells?" Torres questioned.

 

"If I had found the specific lab we needed and where the boss was being held, don't you think I would have made this a lot easier on all of us by now?" Benanti came back over comms.

 

Her mind raced and she tried to think clearly, logically.  The truth was, when she was dragged around in between labs and cells, she didn't look around a whole lot and when she did...it was normally a ceiling, wall, or floor tile that she saw.  "Look at the color people are wearing," Alex said as she reached up to her comms.  

 

"There have to be people wearing all--well, that was unexpected," Benanti muttered over comms.  "What are they?  Color coding this place?"

 

"Look for yellow," Alex instructed as she closed her eyes as they stood there in the hallway.  

 

"What is yellow?"

 

"Alien," Alex told her.  "Black is guards.  White is medical.  Red is humans--"

 

"Seriously, humans are  _ red shirts _ ?" Torres piped up grumpily.  She was quiet for a moment.  "You _ weren't _ in red…"

 

"Yeah, not sure what the other color is for just yet," Alex mumbled.

 

There was a long span of silence.  

 

"You're in the  _ yellow _ section," Benanti told them.  "Though, there's a splattering of black and white in there too...a couple of red.  Also, I've disabled the emitters throughout the base with the backup on.  There were quite a few types."

 

"That'll help," Alex whispered.

 

"We keep looking then," Harewood said and took the lead once more.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"She can't go much farther," she heard Torres say.  Alex's eyes were closed and she didn't even know how she'd walked as far as she had, even with Torres' help.  

 

"We're here," Harewood announced.

 

In that moment, she felt like she'd regained strength suddenly.  Her eyes popped open and she took the steps and supported herself more than she had in the last ten minutes of searching.  Torres seemed to catch on quickly and they moved towards the cell.  They entered and Torres leaned her against a wall before Torres went to help Harewood to help J'onn.  

 

They'd strung up J'onn in the middle of the cell, suspended by his arms.  From what she could see, he was unconscious.  It was dim, though, and she was exhausted.  She sucked in a heavy and painful breath as her eyes didn't leave him.  

 

"Boss?  Can you hear us?" Torres said.  

 

They didn't need to worry about the cameras or any recordings because Benanti was taking care of the system, but up to this point they'd kept their ski masks on.  Harewood pulled his off now and shoved it into a pocket.  They released J'onn and Harewood took most of his weight as he sort of tumbled.

 

J'onn's eyes opened and she could hear the disorientation hit him as a groan escaped his lips that jumbled with a question.  "Why?"

 

"Boss, do you know who I am?" Harewood questioned.

 

"Davis…" J'onn whispered.  He shook his head a moment later.  "No, it's not--"

 

"We're taking you home, Boss," Torres said now, she'd removed her mask as well.

 

Alex just watched him.  He transformed into his true green form, she knew that holding the form of Hank Henshaw took energy from him.  She was surprised that they hadn't found him like that, but Alex assumed that he'd just been used to holding it while the emitters had suppressed his abilities.  

 

"Alex…" 

 

"She's--"

 

"I'm here," Alex whispered.

 

Their eyes immediately met and she saw J'onn pull away from the others.  It was like he was taking it all in, that they were really real.  She reached up and pulled the mask off, it took far more strength than it should have.  God, she felt so horrible.  Alex shouldn't have allowed Jeremiah to take her, but not him.

 

J'onn turned to Harewood first, his arm extending and his hand touching the other man's shoulder.  There was an unspoken exchange between the two men before he turned to Torres and gave her a nod, which was returned.

 

"We found the lab," Adler's voice came over the comms.

 

"We've got the boss," Torres informed them.

 

"Aww…  Happy ending for us, Guys," Benanti said cheerily over the comms.  "We're having drinks after this, _ right _ ?  Maybe marathoning 'Outlander'?  I haven't watched  _ any _ of this season."

 

"We need to get Danvers--" J'onn started.

 

"Some weird drug?" Harewood questioned.  "We know.  Adler's already got it."

 

"Team Sprinkle Donuts is heading your way Team Grumpy Pants," Benanti announced.

 

" _ Benanti _ ," Harewood snapped into his comms.  "The only thing I'm going to be  _ grumpy _ about is getting arrested and not making it home tonight to tuck my kids in."

 

"Like I'd ever let that happen to you, Sweetheart."

 

Alex just smiled, it was all she could do to keep from crying.  The guilt she was feeling inside.  J'onn moved towards her and Alex nearly crumpled to the floor before he got there, but he held her up.  "I'm sorry," she whispered.  Right now, she didn't care who saw or heard anything between them.  Though, it was still very weird to have people other than her and Kara to see J'onn in his true form (especially so close up).  

 

Before anything else could happen, the others were there.  J'onn turned his attention to them, Kara was immediately hugging him.  Alex just glanced down, J'onn still had a hand on her to keep her upright.  Adler set down a rather large duffel bag at Alex's feet, started to go through it, and then pulled out a syringe.  She rezipped the bag and then straightened.  "Preference for where this goes?"

 

"Not in my spine?" Alex mumbled as she looked up again.

 

Adler shrugged, yanked fabric downward, and injected Alex in her upper thigh.  "Now...you're dosed...and we have the boss...let's get out of here."

 

All of the sudden, J'onn was hugging Adler, which she obviously hadn't expected and was a little tense about...of course, that was just how Alice was.  The only one she was really physically emotionally with was Lara and Charlie.  

 

"That is  _ so _ my hug," Alex heard Benanti complain over comms.

 

"I'll give you one when I see you," J'onn said.  He turned to Lucy and gave her a nod.  "How much trouble are you all going to be in?"

 

"If we did this right," Lucy said.  "None."

 

Everyone started to file out, but then J'onn turned to Alex.  He reached out and cupped her cheek for a moment.  Emotions bubbled like crazy inside of her.  "It wasn't your fault," he whispered with a small smile.  She still felt guilty just the same.  He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he grabbed her mask and pulled it back over her face.  "They want you back…  If they see you, they're going to come after you with all they have," he warned.  "Can you walk?"

 

"No," Adler said with a huff. 

 

Adler was still at the door waiting for them.  She pulled down the mask, she'd obviously heard J'onn's warning, plus none of them needed to Without another word, the other woman came over and Alex found herself being the subject of a fireman lift and was being carried out of the room.  

 

"Boss!  It's  _ this  _ way!"  Alex wondered if J'onn waited for that exact moment where she couldn't do anything to stop him.  She tried to dislodge herself from Adler's hold, but the other agent wasn't letting her go.  "Stop it, Danvers!" Adler snapped.

 

"I have to go back," J'onn said.  "I have to see--"

 

Just then, there was a click and every single cell on the block popped open.  "Reinforcements are on their way, people…  Distraction time.  Your extraction team is standing by," Benanti said over comms.

 

"There's no time," Kara told him.

 

"Lara, you get to that extraction point," Adler said firmly.

 

"I'll race you there, Love," Benanti replied cheerily.

 

Though Alex was not in the best position, she knew one thing for sure.  None of them were leaving without him.  It was now or never.  "J'onn, we don't have time," Lucy reiterated.

 

Alex suddenly felt dizzy, her vision blurred, and her body started to tingle before she finally blacked out.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  



	14. Jarring Revelations

The heartbeat before Alex started to seize, J'onn had known something was wrong.  It was almost odd, a buzzing in his head, to have his telepathy back.  It had been taken away from him for so long.  And now...he found himself in the sudden and grave realization that he might lose Alex…

 

His thoughts just a minute before that had been to seek out Jeremiah, no matter his form.  Now, though, his priority had shifted.  With all of the cells open and he assumed all of the emitter disabled, he just hoped that Jeremiah would find his way out with all of the others.  Right now, though, they had to get Alex out of there...get her somewhere where she could get help.

 

" _ J'onn _ ?" Lucy questioned a second time.

 

"Lead the way," J'onn finally said and motioned in the direction that they'd all been heading in.  He could feel the nervousness and anxiety from his agents.  He took the first steps so that they knew that he was serious.  He wanted to carry Alex himself, but he knew he wasn't strong enough.  In all honesty, J'onn wasn't even sure how he'd do when they got into a hand to hand situation let alone if the need for him to fly came into play.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Their exit went smoothly enough, Benanti had been waiting for them not far from the exit and had been surrounded by unconscious and bound guards.  It didn't take them long to get to the vehicle that was hidden outside of the Cadmus compound and somehow...they made it out there before backup arrived.  

 

"You know what I did the entire time that you all were running around?" Benanti asked somewhat excitedly.

 

"Watching our asses to make sure we didn't get killed?" Adler shot back dryly.

 

Benanti sighed.  "That was like only ten percent of processing ability...tops.  I was also checking in with Vasquez...making sure that people were doing what they were supposed to be doing...watching videos on doing hair that looks fabulous but really takes fairly little effort."  Lara seemed especially pleased with herself.  "Charlie's going to be going to school with a rather spectacular heart accent braid tomorrow...don't worry, Davis...I got you covered, too."

 

"You know, that's  _ not _ what you were exactly supposed to be doing."

 

Even though he was worried about Alex and her condition, she was unconscious but was no longer seizing.  Her vitals seemed well enough and for now, the worry within the group was abated.  Adler and Benanti were a good distraction if nothing else...and he realized during that drive exactly how much he'd missed them all.

 

Benanti shrugged in response.  "Everyone's alive.  We're on our way home.  We completed both of our missions...and I also might have done something else," she said as she held up a thin wallet sized drive.  

 

"That wasn't the mission," Lucy pointed out.  "What's on it?"

 

"I didn't have the time to go through it all, but I figured...just in case we didn't get everything for Danvers, then at least we'll have all the notes."

 

"Good thinking."

 

That brought him some hope that whatever had been done to Alex could be undone...he had seen the bag that Adler had put together from the lab, which it was nice to know that their bases were covered with what Benanti had downloaded.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Returning to the base meant going in a different way, it felt wrong even though he knew the reasoning why.  General Lane was watching what they were doing from the outside.  He was just glad that there were stealthy ways to enter the base.  Alex needed to be there, she needed the medical help.  It couldn't wait.

 

"You okay?" Kara asked.  

 

He watched as everyone else headed into the base ahead of them, Alex in tow (she was their priority and that was how it should be).  J'onn hadn't expected Kara to be concerned about him when Alex should be the one that her attention should be on.  He looked at her.  "I am now that we're all home again."

 

A small smile spread across Kara's face.  "We are," she whispered as she reached out and touched his arm.  It was quiet between them for a minute before she spoke again, everyone out of sight now.  "Are you going to be okay...in the base...as J'onn J'onzz?" 

 

J'onn realized what she meant all of the sudden.  It hadn't really occurred to him until that moment, he was still in his natural form.  Once he'd been released from his bonds and his body had felt that it was finally allowed to transform...to heal itself...for his powers to be restored...it had been automated response at that point.  None of his team had flinched and he hadn't sensed any fear or hate from any of them, so he'd merely forgotten the form he had been in.  His concern had been for the agents and for Alex.  Him being able to be in his true form, being true to who he was...that had been something that Kara and Alex had wanted for him…  Right now, though, he didn't want to be a distraction to anyone and he didn't want to stand out, so he morphed into the familiar form of Hank Henshaw.  Now just wasn't the time to appear as J'onn J'onzz.

 

"For right now, I think I'll stick to being a familiar face," he told her calmly.  He motioned for them to head in the same direction as the others.  "That's what I think we all need…"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Alex was being examined and tests run, but the doctors and scientists just seemed to be going too slow...at least for J'onn.  He could sense that nothing seemed to be bringing them any closer to what was going on or what was wrong.  It was frustrating and J'onn felt just as powerless as he'd felt in that cell in Cadmus.  

 

"They're doing everything they can."

 

Lucy's statement was true.  They were doing everything possible in as timely a manner as they could muster.  "I know," he whispered.  It didn't make it easier.  "They need help."

 

"Do you have a suggestion?"

 

He looked over at her, arms crossed as she stood a few feet away from him.  "I do," he said.  "But General Lane will have an eye on her…"

 

"On who?"

 

"Eliza Danvers."

 

He watched as Lucy blinked in confusion.  She didn't understand.  "Why?  I mean, I know Kara's said that Alex's mother has been worried and asking questions, but--"

 

"She's a bioengineer, just like Alex.  In fact, so was Jeremiah…"  He sighed.  "The reason that Henshaw originally wanted to recruit Jeremiah was because of his knowledge of Superman--"

 

"Are you saying that maybe Eliza Danvers might be able to help us tackle what they're thinking is alien?" Lucy questioned.  

 

"At the very least, Eliza could be useful when it comes to combing through all the research that Benanti was able to download...maybe sense of everything...if not just organize...what Adler brought back from the lab that has a connection with Alex."  He was quiet for a moment.  "Eliza is already well aware of the DEO because of Jeremiah being recruited by Henshaw over a decade ago...that said, from what I understand...she might not be the most calm individual when she steps foot onto the base."  Of course he understood why and he knew that it would only be made worse once she saw Alex.

 

"I'll talk to Kara about getting Eliza here ASAP," Lucy told him before stepping away.

 

He wanted to think that Eliza there would make all the difference.  He couldn't be sure, but he wanted to have hope.  At the very least, having her mother there might bring comfort to Alex...and it would likely bring some small comfort to Eliza as well.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Is she in pain?"

 

"No."

 

He looked over at Kara.  They'd all been waiting for Alex to wake up, but she hadn't since they'd arrived back at the DEO.  Eliza Danvers was already there and in Alex's lab, she hadn't wanted to look in on Alex just yet for fear she wouldn't want to leave her daughter's side.  Even though he couldn't read Kara's mind, he could read her face...and Kara was a person who wore her feelings for the world to see (at least most times).  This was one of those times.  She was crushed and she felt just as helpless as he did.  The Danvers sisters had always had a bond, but it had strengthened since Kara had become Supergirl and they'd all been working together.  

 

"She should have woken up by now, Doctor Hernandez and Doctor Hamilton don't understand why she hasn't," Kara whispered.  "J'onn, I can't lose her…"

 

He couldn't either.

 

"Go and talk to her," he encouraged. 

 

"I don't want to be in the way and there's no way I can help," Kara said, her voice breaking and tears springing to life.  "And Eliza...she won't even leave the lab…"

 

"I heard." 

 

Adler and Benanti were easily the only eyes and ears he ever needed on the base sometimes, but he was glad that he had them.  They were both keeping a close eye on the situation while he stayed back.  He knew that he could morph into his true form as J'onn J'onzz, but he still didn't want to be a distraction...at the same time now with Eliza Danvers on the base...he looked like the man she hated, the one that she blamed for Jeremiah's death and rightfully so.  

 

He pulled Kara into his arms and held her there, letting her cry, squeezing her like only someone with their level of strength could.  There was comfort in that kind of tight hug and he knew that it was likely something that Kara hadn't experienced in such a long time.  Normally he tried not to show physical signs of affection for anyone, especially not on base...but Kara needed this...she really needed it.  

 

"Go and talk to your sister, Kara," he whispered gently.  "She needs you."

 

"She needs you too."

 

J'onn sucked in a breath and pulled back, holding Kara at arm's length as he stared at her.  "I'm going to go through the data that Benanti brought back...maybe there's something in there."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


J'onn lingered outside of Alex's lab for a long moment before knocking on the glass door.  He'd been looking for Benanti and when he'd finally sensed where she was (he hadn't wanted to use his power to search the others' minds).  Lara Benanti was in Alex's lab with Eliza Danvers.  They were working together, going through the files...matching up what Adler had recovered and brought back from the lab.  Sucking in a deep breath, he tapped on the glass door and then pulled it open a moment later.  The women turned and looked over at him and he just stood there.  He wasn't sure what Eliza's reaction would be, but he watched as Lara touched the older woman's arm and then moved towards him.

 

He moved aside so that she could leave the lab and he moved inside of it.  What he felt in the room was a little surprising.  He'd been ready to be at the abrupt harsh end of Eliza's wrath, but instead...he felt something very different from her and he realized in that moment that Kara must have explained who he was to her adoptive mother.  "I came to help...if you could use it, that is…"  J'onn didn't want to push an interaction with Eliza, all he wanted to do was to help Alex.  

 

"I think that Lara and I have figured out what was brought back from Cadmus that was labeled for Alex, at least as far as matching the medical coding to the file coding," Eliza told him and motioned for him to come closer.  "Lara just copied the files that only pertained to Alex to the computer here.  I know your doctors are trying to understand what was done with her and what they were dosing her with--"

 

"I am honestly more concerned with why she's not waking up," J'onn explained.  He moved to Eliza's side, his eyes looking over what had been brought back.  

 

"There are a lot of possibilities," Eliza told him.  "But with all of these things that were brought back...and that were labeled for Alex--"

 

J'onn stopped when he realized that she had some idea.  "What is it?"

 

He could sense the questions in her, but that didn't stop her from answering his question.  "Cryogenics transport container, apparently your Agent Adler was smart enough to store this properly."  Eliza sighed.  "I'm not a medical doctor, but from what I've been told...what I can assume they conduct in Cadmus, I think that this is genetic material...genetic material possibly for splicing or…"  And he knew what she was going to say before she said it.  

 

"You're worried that Alex…" he breathed.  He was in shock.  It made him worry all the more about Alex.  "Doctor Hamilton would have...she would have caught that, right?  They ran tests on her before they went to Cadmus and they've run tests since then…"

 

J'onn's head spun with thoughts.  He felt dizzy and sick.  Alex was lying unconscious in medical and they didn't know what was wrong with her or how to wake her up.  They didn't know anything at this point. 

 

"What would Cadmus want with a  _ child _ ?" J'onn asked.  

 

Of course, they didn't know anything more than that they likely extracted the genetic material from Alex.  They'd have to go through the files, see what they'd actually done to Alex.  Each of those files, he was certain, would cause pain...for all of them.  Once they knew what had been done to Alex, what they had been giving her...then it would be easier (or so he hoped) to make sure that Alex was properly tested and examined.  What they'd done to her in Cadmus hadn't been fringe science (which was the best term J'onn could think of in that moment that actually made it sound like medical science rather than experimentation...it was harder to think of the reality that it was the latter).  

 

"Do you  _ really _ think that they would  _ engineer  _ a  _ human  _ child?"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	15. Bottled Up

Beep.

 

The electronic continuous tone made Alex blink her eyes as she tried to take in the world around her.  Her body felt numb and yet she was standing and looking around on her own two feet.  

 

Beep.

 

It took her a minute but she realized that she'd been to this place before.  

 

Beep.

 

She'd been running through this area as her father had dragged her along.  It had been after their escape from Cadmus, before he'd shoved her into the hiding space.

 

Beep.  Beep.

 

Panic filled her as she sensed something.  Alex didn't quite know how to put her finger on the feeling.  It wasn't one she had had before.  In her experience, she'd felt someone being in the room with her or being behind her...but this was different.  

 

Beep. Beep.

 

Alex found herself transported to another spot.  She closed her eyes and then when she opened them she was just suddenly there.  Staring at the rocky crevice that she'd been wedged inside of for hours.  Then the gunshot went off--

 

BeepBeep.  BeepBeep.  BeepBeep.

 

"Alex!"

 

The voice wasn't her father's, but she was having a hard time pulling her thoughts from the fact that she knew that gunshot was for her father.  The man that she'd searched all those years for--

 

"Alex!"

 

  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Alex!"

 

Her eyes snapped open, her chest was pounding, she couldn't breathe, and so many eyes were on her. Tears streamed down her face and then she suddenly found a way to calm herself.  Everything that had happened, it snapped back to her.  

 

J'onn.

 

Blinking, she tried to make sure that she was really awake and that she wasn't hallucinating.  He was still there...and her mother.  They both looked so concerned.  

 

"Alex, Sweetheart, say something!" her mother pleaded.

 

"How long have we been home?" she whispered as she closed her eyes and just focused on breathing.  Alex knew that she needed to get her vitals down and to a steady pace.  She could hear the beeping from the monitors and she knew that she still wasn't quite there.

 

"Almost three days."

 

Three days.

 

"General Lane--"

 

"You don't need to worry about him," J'onn said firmly.  "Let us worry about him."

 

"He was here before," Alex pushed.  "He had the base watched--"

 

"He's still out there," J'onn told her.  "His people, anyways…  Everyone has been trying to act as normally as possible...and if we need to, then we'll hide until they're gone...Kara said you did that before."

 

Nodding slowly, Alex finally opened her eyes again.  "You okay?"  She remembered the team  getting to him, that was about the point where she'd felt like she wasn't going to be able to take another step.  He hadn't looked so great then, but he looked better now.  

 

"Now that you're awake, yes," J'onn told her warmly.

 

She just smiled and found sleep tugging her away again.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"I heard you're giving Doctor Hamilton a hard time."

 

Alex just stared at him.  She hadn't expected J'onn to come and be the one to talk her into behaving.  Her mother was lurking somewhere around the DEO and Kara was always in and out...so she'd expected one of them.  J'onn, she expected to be resting.  "I've been asleep or resting for...I don't know how long...but it's been too long," Alex replied plainly.  She wasn't upset or angry, she was simply frustrated at being kept on bed rest.  Alex Danvers didn't do bed rest.  "I just want to walk the hall or something...preferably not in this," she said as she pulled at the medical gown.

 

"I think that your sister brought you a bag from home," he offered.  

 

"Good because I already used my spare set from my locker," Alex said and fiddled with the positioning button to adjust her bed so that she was even more upright than before.  J'onn's hand covered hers after a moment and she stopped and stared at his hand on hers before looking back up at him.  "I'm going stir crazy."

 

"I believe it," he said with a tilt of his head.  

 

"Why aren't you on bed rest?"

 

"Because I wasn't unconscious for an extended period of time and in withdrawal from the drug they were giving you at Cadmus."

 

"No more drugs."

 

There was a look and then he looked down, like she wouldn't see it.  That only made Alex stare at him more and more intently.  "J'onn," she said as grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it.  "What aren't you telling me?"  And when his eyes met hers, she knew that it likely went beyond him.  "Why do I feel like I'm the last to know--"

 

"You're not."

 

"Then who else knows?"

 

Silence.

 

So, she started to guess.  Even though J'onn had spent years deceiving people, ever since she learned that he was J'onn J'onzz...he'd let down his guard in a way with them and he couldn't hide things from her as easily as he once had.  "Kara?"  

 

"Yes."

 

"My mom?"

 

"Yes."

 

Alex sighed.  "Really?"

 

"It's--"

 

"I assume doctors…"

 

"Doctor Hamilton," he corrected.

 

"Adler and Benanti?"

 

"No."

 

"Adler and Benanti."

 

He smiled at that.  "No," he stood firmly.  "Adler and Benanti do not know...yet.  I can assure you of that."

 

"Exactly who's minds do you listen to?" she asked as she narrowed her eyes a bit.  She was half serious and half playful about it.  

 

"Everyone's--"

 

"Except Kara."

 

He smiled at that too.  "Except Kara."

 

"Lucky her."

 

Her comment almost seemed to hurt him.  "I don't always listen, Alex…" J'onn told her gently.  "It's more sensing you…your presence...your frame of mind...your emotional aura..."

 

"I'm not--"

 

"You want to know the secret that has been kept from you?" he asked quickly before she could make herself more clear.  Alex knew that he had to know what she meant, but she'd wanted to explain herself further.  "It's not because you don't deserve to know, Alex, because you should have been the first person to know...it's just that you were so fragile when you first woke up."

 

"Fragile is not a word I appreciate," she murmured quietly.  Alex crossed her arms as she waited for it.  For the truth that had been kept from her.  "You know that I can handle anything--"

 

"I thought I could...and then your mother told me...and--"

 

The look on his face.  It was like he'd lost everything.  That worried her and made Alex's insides twist.  "I'm fine…  They said I just needed that drug--"

 

"You do."

 

"So, I'll have to take it--"

 

"It's to keep your body from rejecting what they did to you," he said ever so gently.  

 

Alex found herself squeezing his hand even more now, her eyes never leaving his as those words sunk in.  To keep her from rejecting what had been done to her.  What had been done to her?  She'd been checked out before they'd left for Cadmus, she thought it was just the medicine, what was so wrong with her?  "What?" she breathed.  

 

"They manipulated your DNA--"

 

Her thoughts weren't of disgust, but disbelief.  "So, I'm part...alien now?"  Her mind reeled because other than being sick, she didn't feel different.  "It's obviously not an alien DNA that contains super healing powers…"  

 

"It's not quite like that."

 

"Why is it so hard for you to say?" she asked in a whisper.  Alex didn't understand, he still seemed to torn up about it.  "Am I dying?"

 

"No," he responded quickly.

 

"I'm not a hybrid."

 

"No."

 

Alex just waited.  "J'onn--"

 

"A child," he breathed and his eyes darted down.

 

A child.

 

Her mind played with that for a moment.  It hit her and she couldn't breathe for a moment.  

 

_ A child _ .

 

The alien DNA... _ she _ wasn't the hybrid--

 

" _ What _ DNA did they use?" she whispered as she watched him, his hand being held by hers as tightly as she could hold it because she was afraid he was going to pull away.  He didn't respond and she suddenly felt like she knew the answer.  " _ J'onn _ ?"

 

"Your body is fighting to reject the child within you," he spoke softly, still not looking up at her.  "The serum from Cadmus is supposed to level out your body, to keep it from doing that...so it's taking time and that's why the doctors feel that you're so fragile right now...that's why they're keeping you on bed rest."  He was quiet again.  "The doctors wanted to wait...to tell you...to explain what had been done with you, they didn't detect it before for several reasons...but they wanted you to be well informed before you made any kind of decision."  Finally, he looked up at her.  "Because it is  _ your _ decision.  It's not your mother's or Kara's or mine or Doctor Hamilton's or even Director Lane's…"

 

As she stared at him, she knew why he wasn't answering her.  Everything that she was hearing was making it all harder.  Alex just wanted to hear him say it...to say that the child that she carried with hybrid DNA was part human and part Green Martian.  That the child wasn't _ just _ hers...but  _ theirs _ .  

 

"Why can't you  _ say _ it?" she whispered as she reached out to touch his face.  

 

" _ A child _ ...it hasn't been something on your mind before _ this _ moment," J'onn told her.  "I've watched you for so long and I've worked so closely with you, not once--"

 

" _ So _ ?  What does that have to do with just  _ saying _ it?"

 

"Because a child isn't something that you  _ force _ on someone--"

 

"Well, they weren't exactly  _ ethical _ doctors at Cadmus," she tried to break the tension, but it obviously fell flat from the look he gave her.  Alex sighed.  "It's done, J'onn.  You and I didn't have any say in it.  We can't go back in time, unless you have a blue box…"  She still was winning so much as a smirk or hint of a smile.  She looked away for a moment, he hand still tightly gripping his.  "You told me that you loved me…"

 

"I still do," he breathed.

 

When she looked back at him, she still only saw pain there.  "Is it really because it was something that neither one of us had a say in or because you don't feel like you're worthy of a child?"  Alex hated to think that J'onn was the last of his kind.  Not even Kara was the last Kryptonian and she knew how hard her sister had had it and how hard it sometimes still was for her.  But J'onn, he was truly the last Green Martian (unless there was one hiding out there in the universe somewhere).  

 

"This...it has to be--"

 

Her finger pressed against his lip and she stared at him and spoke quite seriously.  "J'onn J'onzz, don't think that I am going to do...whatever I decide to do...unless it's exactly what _ I  _ want."

 

"Alex--"

 

She pulled him with her hand.  "Come closer," she told him calmly.  "I'm not supposed to be leaving this bed...so you're going to have to be the one to move."  Alex watched as he got up from his chair and there was confusion in his face.  All she could think about was that last moment she had with J'onn before Jeremiah pulled her from his cell.  Everything that had been said, everything that had been left unsaid, everything that she hadn't had a chance to say, and everything that she'd thought to say between now and then.  

 

No thinking.  

 

"Alex--"

 

No doubt he'd picked up with his 'sensing' of her.  Alex pulled J'onn down to her, yanking him by the front of his shirt, and pressed her lips to his.  Before, she hadn't had time to properly process what J'onn was saying until she was being dragged away from the cell.  He hadn't pushed the fact that he loved her...that he loved her...past saying it and pressing a kiss to her forehead.  But she'd had time to think...to search her feelings...and even though she wasn't one hundred percent sure what those feelings were...she knew that she cared about him...a lot more than she was supposed to.  

 

Eventually he relaxed and kissed her back before they pulled apart.  They just stared at each other for a long moment.  "I love you--"

 

"Alex--"

 

"Stop interrupting me," she complained and leaned in to kiss him again.  If Adler and Benanti already hadn't heard something, then this was certainly going to be seen by someone and likely spread like wildfire.  Alex didn't care.  They'd been through hell and back and right now...she just wanted this...for their relationship to be okay...and for it to be something that they had a decision in.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  



	16. Stay

"You know, Harewood has quite the collection of books, Sir," Adler said as she handed him a cup of coffee and donut.  "I'm sure he'd be happy to bring you some...keep you occupied while you're forced to stay on base."

 

J'onn smiled and took the offerings.  He'd been keeping to himself for the most part.  He couldn't really do anything with missions unless it was sitting with Vasquez and overseeing things from the control area, which Lucy had told him he was more than welcome to do.  He just hadn't wanted to overstep bounds.  He also had felt like he needed the time to think.  The thing with that was that whenever he found a place to think...Benanti always showed up and was worried that he was getting depressed or had cabin fever or something.  She was sweet, but there really was no need to be so concerned about his mental health...especially since all he needed was the chance to actually think.  

 

"I'll keep that in mind," J'onn told her.  "Thank you."

 

"Danvers is going to be okay, right?  I mean, things look pretty grim when her mom shows up…"

 

No one had been in to see Alex, mainly because the doctors wanted her to rest.  So, it had been limited to the medical staff, Lucy, her mother, Kara, and then him.  "She just needs rest…"

 

"I have a feeling that Danvers hates that," Adler commented.

 

"Perhaps she should be the one that you should think about occupying…"

 

"This'll be Lara's new mission…"

 

"She is aware that morale officer is not an  _ official _ DEO position, doesn't she?"

 

Adler just eyed him.  "Are you  _ really _ going to be the one to tell her that?"

 

Silence.

 

"No," J'onn said suddenly and then took a sip of his coffee.  "I value my life."

 

"Me too."

 

Silence.

 

Adler suddenly looked at him curiously.  "Don't you have super strength?"

 

"I value my life."

 

"Wise."

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"You know, if you keep hiding--"

 

"I'm not hiding," he said quietly and evenly.  J'onn looked over to see her smiling that bright smile.  Kara was like the sun.  No matter who you were, there was no way that you could argue that.  Kara was just this bright ball of happiness and it was contagious.  He found himself smiling, just a little in response.  

 

Kara sat next to him.  "You haven't talked to her  _ all  _ day…  I know this because today is one of the  _ extremely rare _ days where there's no scheduled work...and Cat has also not called me about something.  I've been sitting with her, trying to keep her from going crazy--"

 

"How is she?"

 

"Bored.  Tired of being here," Kara told him honestly.  "And she's worried that you're upset with her…"

 

J'onn just stared at Kara for a moment, taking that in.  "I--"

 

"I don't think you're upset with her, but you have been distancing yourself," Kara said.  They were both quiet.  J'onn was fairly sure they needed it.  "Alex said that you've pretty much separated yourself from the decision--"

 

"It's not mine to make," J'onn pointed out evenly.

 

Kara sighed.  "It's not mine either, but I have an opinion on it."

 

"Alex has always put others before herself…"

 

"It's one of her greatest flaws...but also a strength," Kara reminded softly.  "She wants to hear what everyone has to say, then after it all...she's going to make her own decision.  Alex can do that."

 

"With this, it's not the same…"'

 

"Why?"

 

"Alex's life is in danger."

 

"She's stable.  Right now, the doctors are saying that everything is stable and if she continues like this that she should be fine to be released in a few days...not that she can exactly go home yet," Kara pointed out.  

 

"I need to talk to Lucy about that--"

 

"How about you stop avoiding my sister and _ I'll _ talk to Lucy?"

 

They stared at each other in silence. 

 

"It's a  _ child _ , Kara," he whispered.  "And it's  _ Alex's life _ ."  

 

Sure, it was Alex's choice, but he didn't feel like he could be apart of it.  He had a bias and yet he had a past that was telling him that he wasn't  _ worthy _ of this child.  He was the  _ last _ Green Martian and even _ if  _ Alex chose to go forward with the pregnancy, the child would be only half Green Martian...it wouldn't be continuing the race in the traditional sense...not that that any of that mattered to him.  His family kept flashing behind his eyes.  He thought about what the White Martians had done to his family...to his world...what the one they had locked up had wanted to do to him…  If this child was brought into the world, would it be just as much of a target?

 

There was so much that went through his head when it came to this choice that wasn't his to make.  Then there was the fact that he loved Alex...and he wasn't sure if he could be part of her life...either way going forward.  It didn't seem fair.  He'd make her (and the child, if she chose to keep it) a target.  The more J'onn thought about it, the more that he felt like he needed to disappear.  He knew that he could easily disappear, but at the same time...he knew that Alex and even Kara would fight him on that.  

 

"You have to say  _ something _ , J'onn, I can't read minds like you," Kara half teased.  

 

He hadn't realized that he'd just gone silent.  He was lost in his thoughts.  "I have  _ so many _ thoughts--"

 

"So talk to _ me _ ."

 

As he stared at her, she seemed so young.  She was young, he knew that...but perhaps it was her sunny nature that made it seem like she was even more youthful.  Kara hadn't been someone that he'd thought about talking to, but they were alike in so many ways...and Kara did already know what was going on.  "How long do you have?"

 

"As long as you need."

 

So, he talked...and she listened.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Love, he doesn't--"

 

"Of course he does!"

 

He already knew they were coming before he could hear them.  J'onn was mentally preparing himself for what was coming.  

 

Adler and Benanti.

 

"Sir," Benanti said and didn't leave him a chance to say anything.  "I was thinking…  You and Danvers could--"

 

"It's being looked into," he said before she could finish.

 

Lara Benanti just blinked at him for a moment.  "You don't know what I was going to say--unless you can…"  She stared at him, wide eyed, and then let out a gasp.  "You can read minds?"

 

He couldn't help but smile in response and gave her a nod. 

 

"For how long?"

 

Adler sighed.  "For however long he's been here at the DEO, Love."

 

"Crap…"

 

He smiled more at that.  "Don't worry, I don't always listen to people's thoughts."

 

"Are you sure?" she questioned.  "Because I suddenly feel like I should apologize for past, present, and future thoughts you might have...been privy to."

 

"No need--"

 

"No  _ really _ ...because I was just thinking about how I  _ never _ thought of you and Danvers together...and then like everyone  _ saw  _ you two kissing yesterday and I'm suddenly shipping you--"

 

"Oh-kay!" Adler shouted and grabbed both of Benanti's shoulders and started to guide her out of the room.  She looked over her shoulder.  "Sorry, Sir.  Too much coffee…"

 

"Yeah, like me fangirling is from too much coffee, you keep lying to yourself, Alice," Benanti muttered.

 

J'onn shook his head as they left.  He and Alex both knew that people had witnessed the kiss and it was only a matter of time before that spread through the DEO.  He didn't know where his relationship with Alex was going to go...or if they still had one, but he supposed it was nice to know that they were supported by people who cared about them.  

 

Them.

 

Alex.

 

His Alex.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"I thought perhaps you'd slipped out--"

 

"No," he interrupted as he took the seat next to her.  J'onn had seen Kara tugging Eliza towards the exit.  Though it was suspicious to have Doctor Danvers on base, it wasn't completely out of question for them to use her as a consultant on a variety of matters.  Nonetheless, it had given him a clear opening to have some private time with Alex.  "Not without you, at least," he added with a small smile.

 

That seemed to lighten the mood.  "Kara said she went and talked to you even though I told her--"

 

"She's a good sister," J'onn cut off.  He didn't want the Danvers sisters upset with each other and especially not over this, over him…  Right now, Alex especially needed her sister, no matter what her choice was.  "And she's a good friend…  Sometimes I forget that there are people in this world that I can confide in...openly…"

 

"You can always talk to me," she whispered sincerely.

 

"I know," he said with a nod.  "I was just…"  J'onn struggled to find the right word.  He'd been going through so many feelings that he was having a hard time tacking down the exact one he felt in that moment.  "I was scared."

 

"Good," Alex said almost cheerfully.  When his eyes met hers, she continued.  "Because I'm scared too."  She was quiet for a moment, but he knew there was more coming.  "So, we'll be scared together…"  She reached out and held her hand out to him and he took it immediately.  It was clear to him that she'd already decided.  J'onn was fairly sure that she'd decided before and though he knew how stubborn she was...he still felt like he needed to remind her what was at stake.  

 

"I know we haven't talked--"

 

"That doesn't mean that I don't know what you were thinking."

 

"I was thinking a lot of things."

 

"About the baby?  I mean, it looks more like a tadpole right now…"

 

He smiled at that.  The air was nervous, but right now, he knew that they just needed to stop and talk.  They needed this.  There was no one around to interrupt, J'onn had even asked the nurse to keep people from coming in from the time being so that it ensured that they had that time.  "About the baby," he said and saying that made it so much more real than it had been.  "About you.  About me.  About our relationship…"

 

"You know you're wrong," Alex told him confidently.  "I know that you don't think that you're worthy of a lot of things…  You were wrong when you thought that it was better that the White Martian kill you before...because you felt like it was wrong for you to survive...to live."  She sucked in a breath and then huffed it out.  "You've been given this second chance, J'onn…"

 

"I keep thinking of my family on Mars, Alex," he said softly and sadly.  "Mairia, K'hym, and T'ania…  I think about them and even though I know that they would  _ want _ me to be happy, I feel like I'm betraying them somehow."

 

"Because you're  _ happy _ ?  Or because a baby means a  _ family _ ...because you already had... _ have  _ one of those…  You have  _ me _ and  _ Kara  _ and all of the agents at the DEO.  We're the _ best _ kind of family there is because we'd do anything for each other."

 

"I failed to protect them," J'onn pointed out sadly.  He didn't care what she would say because he knew already that she would argue him on it.  That was how he felt.  That's how he'd felt all these years.  It was a crushing sadness and guilt that he carried around.  "The White Martians could come to Earth...and as I was sitting and thinking...I worry that this child…"

 

" _ Our  _ child."

 

That was going to take time to get used to.  " _ Our child _ ," he repeated a bit hesitantly.  The words felt so foreign in his mouth.  "He and she would have a target on it...and so would you…"

 

"I don't know if you've hit your head out there or what, but have you forgotten that I can take care of myself?  At least most of the time…  White Martians are not hurting me or our family," Alex told him fiercely.  "J'onn, all that matters is that we figure out what we both want."  She was quiet and pushed out a breath.  "I already decided that I'm going to keep the baby.  I'm not ready.  My mom said that no one is ready, even if they think they are.  She and Kara are more than willing to help.  My mom even said that she'd be willing to move to National City...or...that I could go to Midvale."  

 

Even though he'd worried about Alex's safety, he hadn't thought about her moving away or leaving the DEO.  Of course, they were still technically fugitives, but he was certain that that would eventually get cleared up.  Midvale wasn't far, but it was a surprise to hear her say that.  

 

"Project Cadmus--"

 

"They're not going to touch me," Alex said firmly.  

 

It was still a worry.  The baby was what made Alex so valuable to them.  If she carried the baby and gave birth to it, then it would be the first human/Green Martian hybrid that he knew of and likely that anyone on Earth had seen.  He didn't know that he was ready to be a father again, but he knew that he'd protect Alex and the child with every breath and heartbeat in his body.  

 

"You'd go to Midvale?" he asked after a moment.

 

"I don't know."

 

And she was being honest.

 

"My mom offered and with everything that's been going on, it just seemed like a viable option," Alex explained.  "Doctor Hamilton has already told me that the pregnancy could have complications and that I could be damned to bedrest for the entire term...however long this term is since the baby isn't completely human…"  Alex sighed.  "I just…  I like to have options, they're like escape plans for when everything goes to crap…"

 

He understood that.  

 

Silence.

 

"So, a baby?"

 

Alex nodded, there was a small smile, but nothing bright.  J'onn knew that she was still warming up to it.  Even though she'd decided it, that didn't mean that she was completely certain of her decision.  He was still quite sure that she was doing this because of him.  J'onn just hoped that it wasn't something that she'd regret later.  "A baby."

 

Silence.

 

It was like it was sinking in for both of them.

 

"Stay?"

 

"I'm not leaving you."

 

"I'll hold you to that."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…

  
  
  



	17. Life Changes

"How are you feeling?"

 

"Like they're never going to release me," she said honestly with a shrug.

 

Lucy smiled and took a seat next to her.  "I have some good news."

 

"I can be off of bedrest?" Alex asked hopeful.

 

"No," Lucy said quickly and then frowned.  "Sorry.  At least, they didn't tell me that.  I was going to say that I have been able to get you cleared.  You're no longer a fugitive--"

 

"J'onn?"

 

"That's a touchier subject," Lucy explained.  "It's not completely off the table, but I'm supposed to go over everything that's happened with and within the DEO myself and then with J'onn and then report back."

 

"He's only done honor--"

 

"I know, I know," Lucy said as she put her hands up.  "It's red tape.  It's paperwork.  It's politics."  She shrugged.  "As much as Senator Crane took a step back when she found out that the man she thought was doing such a good job, she's sort of stepped back up…  She's not completely won over by us yet, but she's the one who pushed for the allowance of proving that he is an asset to the DEO and operations here...that he's served the US and done so in our interests and not some ulterior ones."  She paused.  "In the meantime, though, I would like you to refrain from sharing your news with anyone else, just--"

 

"I was going to keep it quiet," Alex confirmed with a nod.  

 

Right now, it was important to get J'onn back to being seen as a good guy.  She'd do anything to make that happen.  Her mother and Doctor Hamilton had already cautioned her on telling anyone this early.  Even though she was appearing further along than she should be, Hamilton was still worried about the baby's stability.  

 

"They're going to want you in some way," Lucy said.  "Cadmus.  They'll try.  We have to be careful."

 

"I know."

 

"I swear to you, I am going to do everything I can to keep that from happening."

 

And she believed her.

 

Even though Lucy hadn't won points when she'd called Alex out for lying when she was being interrogated by Colonel Harper, Alex found that she liked her.  Lucy had been working hard for them and she'd seemed to be doing well at the DEO.  Of course, she wasn't quite where J'onn was...but she was trying hard.  

 

"Thank you."

 

"I'm not sure how safe your apartment will be, but it's something that we can consider once you've been cleared to leave med bay."

 

Alex just nodded.  She'd thought about that too.  "I could move in with Kara temporarily...or I could go away to Midvale for a while--"

 

"I didn't think you'd want to put your mom at risk."

 

"I don't," Alex said quickly.  "But now that my mom knows there's a baby and what's happened, she's not going to be too far.  She is talking about moving to National City."

 

"Wow…  That's nice.  It is nice, right?"  

 

"Yeah," Alex confirmed.  She knew that she and her mother had things to work out and work through, but she had her mother...Alex knew that a mother was something that Lucy hadn't had in her life for some time.  

 

There was a knock on the glass before Adler popped her head in.  "Sorry to interrupt, Ma'ams," she said.  "But General Lane keeps requesting to talk to you, Director.  He's been rather rude to Vasquez for her telling him that you're in a meeting…"

 

Lucy sighed and looked between the two of them.  She was obviously not thrilled about having to go talk to her father.  Alex didn't blame her, she wasn't exactly the biggest fan of General Lane.  "I better go and take this, but you'll let me know if you need anything."

 

Alex gave her a nod.  "I will.  Thank you."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"I brought you something."

 

"I love when you bring me things--"

 

"It's not a cupcake," Kara said quickly and almost sadly as she entered Alex's room with Eliza in tow.  "But...they said you could have something else to eat...so I stopped at your favorite place."

 

Her mother just looked confused.  "I don't understand why you had to go all the way--"

 

"Oh, it's worth it," Alex said quickly as she took the offered bag from Kara.  "You two know you don't have to babysit me…"

 

"Eliza was going to read you...something that sounded boring," Kara piped up quickly.  "But I decided that we'd be productive and make a plan for what we're going to do as a family to support you...and then, we'll do something fun."

 

"Can we skip to the fun part?"

 

"I told her that I could read you the articles from the science journal," Eliza said slowly as she held it up.  "There were some really interesting reads…"

 

"I told you my idea was better," Kara said.

 

Alex just shook her head and smiled.  "Maybe later, Mom."  She was more interested in the food that Kara had brought her, but she also knew that her sister was going to insist on them having this little family meeting until she agreed to it.  "I suppose we could discuss...things…"

 

"Shouldn't J'onn be present for this?" her mother questioned as she looked between the girls.  "He is the biological father of this child...and apparently he has interest in you...other than your boss…"

 

"Yeah, that wasn't exactly where I was hoping this conversation was going to go…"

 

"You haven't said anything about you and J'onn...we haven't gotten to have that talk yet," Kara jumped on that train quickly.  

 

Alex had a feeling that she was doomed all of the sudden.  "It's new...and I don't know what our relationship is yet…"

 

"But he wants you to keep the baby," Eliza said quickly.

 

"It doesn't matter what he wants," Kara added.  "It's Alex's body...it's Alex's choice--"

 

"But as the father, I just assumed that they'd have a discussion--"

 

"Okay, okay!" Alex said quickly holding up her hands.  "I want to eat my meal without upset.. _.and  _ you two are being loud."  She sighed and shook her head.  "We're supposed to keep things quiet.  Not everyone knows and I'd like to keep it that way for at least a few more weeks…"

 

"I was just trying to be thoughtful," Eliza commented.

 

"Can't we at least know who proclaimed their love first?" Kara questioned a bit too excitedly.  

 

Alex was certain that this had to do with the fact that it really had been a while since she'd even dated...and now she was pregnant...and her mother was actually there...so it was like she was a target.  She knew that she couldn't fight the questions, though.  "He did," Alex told them.  "When Dad was pulling me out of J'onn's cell in Cadmus...because I didn't want to go without him.  He told me he loved me and made me leave him there."  It wasn't the  _ exact _ play by play, but since she really hadn't wanted to have this discussion with them, it seemed like enough for now.  

 

"So...what will you do?"

 

Alex was quiet.  She knew that this decision shouldn't just be hers, but at the same time...she needed to do what was best for her.  "I don't want to give up the DEO, my life here--"

 

"Alex, I thought that it's not safe here for you," her mother said with deep concern.

 

"It's not," Alex admitted.  She sucked in a breath and then pushed it out.  "But if Cadmus wants me, they'll find me no matter where I go, Mom."  She was quiet for a long beat, thinking of what she wanted.  "Maybe it's safer for me to stay here in National City.  I could stay at Kara's...I mean, it would be crowded…"

 

"We'd make it work," Kara said confidently.

 

"If you're going to have a child then you're going to have to look for a bigger place," her mother pointed out.  "Maybe you should start that search now...and maybe Kara and I should be moving in with you...to help...and maybe it's something you want to ask J'onn J'onzz if he wants to be part of?"

 

She hadn't thought about that.  A baby was so small, Alex didn't understand why they needed that much space.  Though, as she thought of it...there were pros and cons to it...and Alex just wasn't sure she was ready for so much so fast.  "I'm not sure if I'm ready for all of that," Alex admitted.  "I just...I don't want to leave National City...not permanently."

 

"We talked about you coming to Midvale."

 

"I could take time off," Kara started to say.

 

"Kara, let's be honest...even if you could get time off from CatCo, your duties here at the DEO...as Supergirl...that's not something you can take time off of," Alex pointed out gently.  She brushed it off.  "Let's just take time to think on it.  Doctor Hamilton isn't releasing me yet...and J'onn and I are still locked down to the DEO for the time being…"

 

"I thought Lucy got you cleared?" 

 

Crap.

 

Alex was hoping that her sister hadn't heard about that.  "Right, but I still have to wait for my medical release...and the whole safety aspect of things," she said.  She closed her eyes for a moment.  "There's just a lot up in the air…"

 

"Can you just promise me that you really will think about that if you want to stay here in National City that you look at least look at larger housing and think about who you want as a support system?" her mother pressed, but it was gently and with love.  

 

Slowly, she nodded.  "Okay…"  Alex liked to be able to be in control and have her own space at the end of the day.  She wasn't sure if she really was okay with having her mother and/or Kara at home every day…  She didn't even know where she and J'onn were, so she didn't know how to feel about him possibly living with her...and then there was the was the baby…  

 

There was just a lot to think about.  

 

"You know, you could be a good sister," Alex teased Kara.

 

"Cupcakes?"

 

"All I want is sugar right now."

 

"Is that _ really _ a good idea?" her mother asked.

 

" _ Yes _ ," the girls answered in unison.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"You know, you don't have to make up your mind about everything now."

 

She opened her eyes and rolled her head to the other side and smiled when she saw him standing at the door.  He'd obviously sensed that she wasn't actually sleeping.  Alex fully welcomed his visit.  She'd practically had to ask Kara to drag her mother to get her out of the DEO.  It was sweet that her mother really wanted to be there, but Alex also needed quiet and time to think...time without her mother giving her things to think on.  

 

"I would ask you to tell my mother that, but…"  Alex tilted her head and let the sentence trail off.  There really was no telling her mother anything.  "She means well."

 

"Of course she does," he said as he took the chair at her bedside.  "She's your mother.  She only wants what's best for you even if it doesn't seem best to you."

 

"I think she's trying to make up for all the time where we weren't in good standing," Alex explained.  "She wants to be here for me...for whatever happens…"

 

"The only thing that is going to happen is that you and this child are going to be happy, healthy, and safe…" J'onn said gently.  

 

Her eyes met his and didn't leave them.  "I'm not going to Midvale…"

 

"I wouldn't blame you for wanting to get some distance--"

 

"No," Alex whispered and then shook her head.  "We're a family...all of us…"  She reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently.  "I know that you were having a hard time with this...with--"

 

"You shouldn't worry over me--"

 

Alex just stared at him and gave him a small smile.  "All of us.  We're going to be okay.  Lucy has me cleared...she's going to have you cleared soon too...you'll see.  Cadmus might still have me on their radar, but they're not breaking up the Danvers family…  That means you too…"

 

"Danvers, huh?" he questioned with an unexpected smile.

 

"J'onn J'onzz Danvers, sounds good to me…"

 

"Did your meeting with your mom and Kara earlier help or hinder things?" he asked.  "Obviously you already decided about Midvale…"

 

"Were you eavesdropping?"

 

He smiled brighter at that.  "Benanti told me that there was a meeting going on without me."

 

"I haven't told anyone--"

 

"She doesn't know, but she noticed that there was something going on.  She was thinking that your mother might be dragging you home after everything that had happened...and she was worried that we'd lose you here at the DEO," J'onn explained.  "And then Adler came by, handed her a donut, and told her to stop worrying so much about you."

 

Alex smiled sweetly at that.  She loved those two.  "They mean well…"

 

"They do."

 

"My mom was pointing out that I might want to look at a larger place to stay...and that that way, I'd have more room for the baby and then for whoever I might need to help me…"  She sucked in a breath.  "My mom mentioned possibly moving to National City to be closer--"

 

"I think that would be good for both of you."

 

"I'm worried about her being here if Cadmus--"

 

"Cadmus is not going to touch you again," J'onn responded quickly and a bit growly.  

 

"That's why my mom suggested me not being alone," Alex said.  "Plus...the whole I'm going to need help thing…  I mean, I know people at the DEO have kids…"

 

"We don't currently have single parents," J'onn reminded.

 

"I have you."

 

He seemed to almost melt at that.  "You do," he got out in a choked up breath.

 

"Adler and Benanti do it and they're both here."

 

"Harewood's wife normally has Charlie when they're here."

 

"Right," Alex said with a nod.  She knew that.  It had been something that had formed naturally and was easy enough given Harewood's kids.  She was quiet for a moment, her hand still holding his and her eyes not leaving his.  "If I got a bigger place...would you--"

 

"I'll play any role in your life that you'll allow, Alex…"

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC…


	18. Stability

"She's stable."

 

He was looking at the medical report in his hands and he still wasn't sure.  Sure, he wasn't DEO director anymore, but Lucy had ordered people to still treat him with the respect and courtesy of the position of director...especially when it came to Alex.  Plus, there was the added consent that Alex had given which he knew was mainly because she'd rather the doctor tell him, Kara, and Eliza instead of her having to rehash everything after she was told something.  "So, you're releasing her?"

 

"Yes," Doctor Hamilton told him.  "I haven't told her yet, though."

 

"You don't have concerns?"

 

"Oh, I have a long list of them," Hamilton said quickly.  "But the fact remains that keeping Agent Danvers here is just bringing down her morale and keeping her from being active in any way.  She's going to do a lot better in a more comfortable environment and with a routine."

 

"And her ability to be in the field?" 

 

"I told Director Lane that I think that that needs to be something discussed between her and Agent Danvers."

 

He nodded.  None of his other officers had ever been pregnant while at the DEO.  In fact, so far...only two of his officers had kids (well, technically three).  "I know military regulations--"

 

"Right, but I think we can all agree that the DEO is a little more...intense...than normal military deployment," Hamilton said.

 

J'onn just stared down at the results.

 

"We've kept it all on paper, Sir," Hamilton said.  "Nothing's electronic."

 

"You understand that my main concern is for Alex and the child, it's not my own--"

 

"I appreciate that, Sir, but you are also a concern to us," Hamilton said frankly.  "I don't care what Colonel Harper said...they're wrong.  They don't know you.  They don't know Danvers...and what they did to her...to both of you at Cadmus…"

 

He could sense the anger in Hamilton and feel her forcing herself to calm down.  "There's still a threat to them out there--"

 

"Which is something else I wanted to discuss with the director," Hamilton informed him.  "Though many of the agents do not understand what has all gone on at Cadmus and what the situation with Danvers is, they have come to me with concern for her safety...and yours…"  She paused for a moment.  "In fact, Adler and Benanti have offered for Danvers and you to stay with them in the meantime if that would be helpful…"

 

"I wouldn't want to put them at risk--"

 

"Adler went on about how they wouldn't be at risk, but I think that Danvers still needs to be in an environment that is comfortable for her.  Right now,  _ that _ needs to be the priority.  She needs to know that everything hasn't been taken from her, that she still has the ability to make choices...that she has that control over her own life."

 

And he couldn't agree more with her.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Hi."

 

"Hi."

 

J'onn had waited to go see Alex until after she'd talked with Doctor Hamilton and Director Lane.  He'd known that she wasn't alone, which brought him comfort, both Eliza and Kara  had been with her.  He'd also wanted to give her some time to take in what she'd been told and what had been discussed.  He'd tried to keep from eavesdropping on the conversation, it was more that he'd just kept a sense out for Alex's emotions.  

 

"Is it okay--"

 

"You were hiding," Alex accused and then pointed to the chair.  "Sit."

 

He sat down and just smiled at her.  She was cheery and there was something about her...something that had been missing since they'd returned...he was glad that she seemed more herself.  It was likely partly because of the news of being released, Alex was never one that did well with being confined...especially to medical.

 

"You already know--"

 

"Yes--"

 

"I talked to Lucy and I'm going to take some time off and then figure out what I want to do over the next...however many months...workwise," Alex said.  "There are a lot of options, but I really want to stay here in National City…"

 

"You should do whatever is best for you--"

 

"Yeah, well I haven't made a firm decision yet because there's the whole...danger thing...and you haven't exactly been exonerated yet…"

 

"You needn't worry about me--"

 

"I do need to--"

 

"Alex--"

 

"J'onn," she replied in the same tone and they just stared at each other for a long moment.  They both seemed to give up the arguing after a moment of shared silence.  "Okay, talking about other things…"

 

"What do you want to talk about?"

 

"The fact that you don't need to hide," Alex put out there.  "Even before this...situation...before these feelings developing between us...we were family.  I don't want that to change."

 

"Neither do I."

 

Alex stared at him for a long moment.  "You said that you'd be in my life in any way that I wanted?"

 

J'onn gave her a nod.  He already knew what she was going to say, what she was feeling.  He knew that he shouldn't have his mind open to her, but it was a force of habit.  It was also in part to the fear of being rejected in some way.  Even though they were a family, all of them, and they knew his true form...there was always this sense of not belonging in the back of his head.  There were doubts of being a part of their world and their lives--

 

"I want us to try this…" Alex said, almost embarrassed in a way.  There was blush rising in her cheeks and she looked down for a moment as she motioned between the two of them.  When their eyes met again, she was rambling.  "It's not because of the baby…  I mean, of course it would be better if we were together, but that's not necessary and--"

 

"How would we...try...this?" he asked with a small smile.  As much as he might enjoy listening to her ramble on, it wasn't fair to her.  She was already having a hard enough time with everything going on, he didn't want to add to it.

 

"Normal people have coffee--"

 

"Are you allowed to have coffee?"

 

Alex groaned in response to that and he just smiled wider at that.  "Doctor Hamilton has obviously never had decaf or she would know that it's not  _ real  _ coffee…"

 

"Dinner and a movie?"

 

"I don't think you're supposed to technically leave the base…"

 

"I can look like anyone."

 

"That's true, but...that's not the same."

 

He was quiet for a moment and looked away, thinking about what she was saying.  

 

"What?"

 

J'onn looked back at her, a sad smile on her face.  "The truth is that I always have a disguise on...and I was just wondering which you prefer…"

 

Her hand was on his face and she was smiling.  "I will admit that I am rather used to this one," she whispered.  "But I love your face, J'onn J'onzz…  No matter the color…"  She leaned in and kissed him quickly.  "I love _ you _ ."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Something's going on--"

 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

 

"I think you do."

 

J'onn just stopped and stared at the woman that was currently harassing him.  Though Lara Benanti was certainly a good agent and friend to all, she also possessed a keen sense of knowing when things were going wrong in people's lives.  Though J'onn wouldn't normally say a pregnancy was something wrong, but it was certainly something unexpected.  It had impacted lives and would change the course of some.  This was the exact reason why Agent Benanti always made herself the unofficial morale officer for the DEO.

 

"What do you want me to tell you, Lara?"

 

"What's going on with Danvers," she said with concern.  Lara waved a hand.  "I mean, I already love the fact that you two are together, because honestly...I think you two were both on the train for the most pathetic obsessive alone workaholic award...but that's something else.  I  _ know  _ there's something else going on…"  She gave him a look that he knew all too well.  "Director Lane knows...so why don't the rest of us?  We've known Alex longer and we just want to help."

 

He allowed for that to sit between the two of them for a moment.  She meant well.  Benanti  _ always  _ meant well.  "She's fine.  They're going to release her."

 

"I told Hamilton that Alice and I would be more than happy to host her...actually, both of you--"

 

"I wouldn't want to put any of you in danger," he told her as politely as he could.  "I don't want to put Charlie in danger."

 

"You know that we wouldn't have offered if we didn't know the possible danger--"

 

"If I were cleared, then perhaps...but I know Alex said that she's still thinking about it," J'onn told her.  Which was true.  Alex hadn't made any decisions just yet.  So, he figured that telling Benanti that might give her some solace in knowing that it was being considered.  

 

"Because we're family," she reminded firmly and he knew that she meant it.  "All of us.  It's little and broken, but still good."

 

"Are you quoting a movie?" he asked confused.

 

"Have you see 'Lilo & Stitch'?" Benanti asked quickly.  

 

"No."

 

"Then  _ no _ ," she said before disappearing.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

  
TBC…

 


	19. Not Him

"Here's a four bedroom."

 

"It's probably a townhouse or condo--"

 

"There's nothing wrong with either."

  
That was true.

 

Alex let out a sigh and set the tablet down in her lap before closing her eyes.  "It's just…"

 

"It's an adjustment.  I know, Sweetie," her mother said gently.  "I'm just trying to be helpful."

 

"I know."

 

"This whole thing is up to you…"

 

And she knew that.

 

For some reason, that made it all the harder.  "I don't know what to do."

 

"What do you want to do?"

 

"Stay in National City."

 

"Okay, we know that."

 

Alex sighed.  "Keep the baby."

 

"Knew that too."

 

"I don't want Kara to feel like she needs to give up her apartment and the precious little time that she has outside of CatCo and Supergirl…"  She shook her head.  "No, she needs to be able to have her time alone.  Space to entertain her game nights with Winn and James--"

 

"Alex--"

 

"I'll look for something close to her place," Alex told her mother.  She waited a breath before continuing.  "But Kara needs to have a life too…her _ own _ life."

 

"Don't you think that Kara should be able to have a choice in it--"

 

"Not this time," Alex said evenly.  "She would want to in a moment...because it's what I would do if the roles were reversed--"

 

"Okay, time for us to get you moving," Adler said after crashing in through the med bay door with Benanti and J'onn behind her.  

 

Though Alex really should have left med bay two days before, she and Doctor Hamilton had agreed and insisted on her staying an additional couple of days just for monitoring and blood work and all of that.  It was more of a transition period than anything.  It gave Alex time to feel more like a normal person (and Kara was all too kind to bring her everything she needed from home) and at the same time she was able to look for new larger housing.  She just blinked, though, clearly confused.  "What--"

 

"General Lane is on approach," Adler supplied.  

 

Benanti was helping her mother to pack up anything that was a personal item and shoving it into one of the few bags that had accumulated there.  

 

It didn't make sense.

 

Alex was still very confused.  "But Lucy had me cleared, just J'onn--"

 

"We're not going to risk it," J'onn explained calmly.  

 

Kara was now at the doorway, dressed as Supergirl and looked quite worried.  "The vehicles aren't all US Army--"

 

"Cadmus," fell from Alex's lips in a breath.  It was more a statement, a fear...more than a question or anything else.  She suddenly understood why everyone was in such a flurry.  Getting to her feet, she didn't even bat away hands when Adler was the one who was escorting her out of the room.

 

"We need to get the files and anything else medical that we brought back from Cadmus," Adler barked.

 

"I'm on it," Benanti said and Alex watched the woman shove a bag into J'onn's arms before running off.  

 

Once again, they made use of the room that Alex and Kara had been shoved into when Alex had first come back to the DEO and General Lane had come unexpectedly.  There was already a lantern set up as well as mats rolled out with bedding, snacks, water, and other supplies they might need.  Obviously, they were prepared that this visit might take some time and wanted to make sure that they'd be as comfortable as possible.  

 

Alex sat down on one of the mats and watched as her mother fussed over putting the duffel bags in a certain spot and in a certain way.  She blinked and then looked over at Kara who was sitting next to her.  "I'm going to be fine."

 

Kara gave her a smile.  "I know."

 

"You can't stay."

 

"I know," Kara whispered sadly.  Lucy would need her.  They would have seen Supergirl when they came in.  They needed to see her, to see that things were business as usual.  Plus, Kara was an extra safeguard on the outside.  She leaned on and kissed her sister's cheek.  "Just don't worry."

 

"I was just going to tell you the same."

 

"I'll stop once General Lane remembers that he doesn't need to make visits."

 

J'onn was with Eliza as they set the duffels together and then made room for the two boxes that had been from medical.  She just sat there and tried to concentrate on the fact that they were safe in there, because that was the truth of it all.  Benanti and Adler disappeared and Alex knew that Kara needed to go too.  "Go on," she whispered.  "I think I'll take a nap."

 

"Okay," her sister said a bit sadly.  There was concern all over Kara's features and Alex could tell that her sister was reluctant to leave, but did so anyways.  

 

The entrance was sealed and Alex didn't say anything, she just laid down and made herself as comfortable as possible and tried to forget what was going on outside where they were.  She just hoped that she'd wake up and find it was time for them to go home.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"How are you feeling?" 

 

J'onn had been silent, well as far as she'd known since she'd napped for part of the time they'd been stuck in there.  Whatever was going on out there, it was taking quite some time.  Alex hadn't heard anything from where they were trapped, but that meant nothing...she didn't have her sister's hearing...or J'onn's.  

 

"I'm just tired," she told her mother evenly.  She'd slept for apparently two and a half hours and yet, she still was exhausted.  

 

"Not feverish?" 

 

Alex gave a small smile.  Her mother was concerned and that was obvious and she suddenly realized why she was asking those exact questions.  Before, when she'd been brought back from Cadmus...this same thing had happened...and somehow Alex had woken up with a fever and quite ill.  She reached out and pulled her mother's hand to her forehead and waited a beat.  "Just tired."

 

"Okay," her mother said and pulled her hand away.  

 

There were bridges that needed to be mended between her and her mother and Alex knew that her mother was trying.  This whole thing was hard on everyone and her mother was willing to give up her life in Midvale to be in National City with her...to support her in every way.  Alex sucked in a breath and let her head fall to her mother's shoulder and wrapped an arm around her.  "Do you remember when I was little and thought that I could just have a brother or sister that was the same size as me?"

 

"You were in preschool I think then," Eliza recalled brightly.  "Your father and I kept telling you that it wasn't like we could just go and pick one up off the shelf."

 

"Why didn't you and Dad ever have more?  Or adopt?"

 

"Well, we did--"

 

Alex smiled.  "I meant, besides Kara...before Kara...when I was younger…"

 

Her mother shrugged and Alex's head bounced with it.  "It just didn't seem right.  Your father and I were happy having just one child...having you...you were the light of our lives…"  She paused for a moment.  "Kara was an unexpected joy that none of us had expected...and I hope that it's something that you don't regret...because it just took us a little longer for us to finally adopt a sibling around your age."

 

"I did...for a while...but I can't even imagine my life without her," Alex admitted.  "It's hard to even really picture life before Kara...it feels like she's always been part of our family."  To Alex, she would think back and it would be like her mind would edit Kara into the memory.  She knew her sister, like she knew her own mind.  Alex knew exactly how her sister would have reacted in every situation.  So, whenever she'd think back to times running along the beach in Midvale, she could picture the bright face of her sister...aged younger and her blonde hair in two braids as they ran along the beach in bright patterned bathing suits.  

 

She looked over and watched J'onn silently for a moment.  He looked over at her, likely he sensed her attention shift to him.  Alex just stared and thought about how if she was stuck in there at least she was in good company.  She wondered if he felt left out, but at the same time...she knew him...and he would just be happy for her...to be safe and to have this time with her mother...to be rebuilding their relationship.  

 

There was a scraping sound and all of their attention turned to where the doorway was, well where it would appear once it was opened from the outside.  Alex immediately glanced over to J'onn, realizing that he'd know who it was.  

 

"Adler and Benanti," J'onn said almost immediately when their eyes met.

 

She turned her attention back and was suddenly looking forward to being able to stretch her legs and breathe a little easier.  It wasn't just Adler and Benanti when the secret doorway was finally open, Kara and Lucy were standing there and none of them looked happy.  Something was wrong.  It made Alex feel sick and she found herself reaching out for her mother's hand.  

 

"He's gone...for now," Lucy announced.

 

"They want me," J'onn stated coolly.  "I'm keeping you all in danger sticking around."

 

Alex turned to look at him, words welling up inside of her.  Words of hope.  Things that she wanted to believe could be a reality if they just gave Lucy a bit more time.

 

"None of you should know where I'll be or how to contact me...but I won't be far," he continued a breath later before she could get any words out.

 

The hard reality was that she knew that what he was saying was right, it made sense, and she would do the same in his position.  She squeezed her mother's hand and pushed down her emotions as her gaze wandered downward.  Her thoughts raced and all she could think was that this wasn't how it was supposed to be.  As much as she knew she could be strong and go through this pregnancy and even raise this child without him...she  _ wanted _ him to be a part of it all.  She wanted a life with him, even if in the end things didn't progress romantically.  

 

Alex didn't want to accept this.

 

There had to be another way.

 

There was  _ always _ another way.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


TBC….

 


	20. Home

The sun was high and hot, but the breeze off the ocean kept it cool.  It was the perfect day for a beach adventure.  The waves crashed against the sand on the beach near where Charlie Benanti was trying to build a rather elaborate sand town with Lara and Alex right there as Eliza and Alice spoke under an umbrella only a few feet away.

 

Midvale and beautiful and perfect.  It was the exact kind of relaxing that Alex needed and J'onn just wished that there had been the right situation where he could have been apart of it. There, Alex not only had familiarity and her mother...but she had extended family to keep her company...and to keep her safe.

 

"She looks for you, you know."

 

He looked over and wasn't surprised to see her there.  J'onn swore that ever since the first time she'd spotted him there, watching, that she'd make a point to come and visit him...after all, he didn't get to visit any of them anymore.  People would be watching and he wouldn't risk them put into any more danger than they already were in.

 

"Of course, it's at night."

 

"You two sit up on the roof," he said with a smile. "Just like when you were little girls."

 

Kara beamed at that.  "Yes, those have always been some of my favorite memories at this house."

 

"How long are they in Midvale for?"

 

"Two weeks at least…  Lucy was pushing for longer, trying to stall and figure this whole thing out, so that the threat is off of everyone," Kara explained.  "But Adler and Benanti have never used vacation time…"

 

"Just like your sister."

 

"She's going to be a good mom," Kara said after a moment, both of them staring at Alex playing in the sand with Charlie.

 

"She is."

 

"You're going to be a great dad--"

 

"I'm not sure that's in the cards--"

 

"Yeah, well...I'm persistent…" Kara said with a smile.  "Also, have you met Alex?  She is a force of nature when she wants something...and she wants you pardoned.  It's going to happen.  You have to believe that."

 

"I just want her to be happy."

 

"She will be... _ eventually _ …when the world is right."

 

"I don't like how we left things."

 

Kara tilted her head as she looked at him and he knew that Kara didn't know.  She'd not been far when they'd said their goodbyes, but she'd obviously not eavesdropped with her super hearing.  

  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"There  _ has _ to be  _ another _ way," she whispered and her voice was breaking with each word.  It wasn't just desperation but this heavy heartbreaking emotion behind her voice and in every shaky breath she took in.

 

He only took what little he would need to survive the first few days out there, not knowing where he was going, into a backpack.  Water, some protein bars, and an emergency still in box burner phone (Adler had insisted).  When J'onn turned to her, his heart broke even more.  All of her feelings were hitting him in waves.  The upset, fear, worry, guilt, and sadness all were affecting him just as much.  "Alex--"

 

Before he could say anything more, she had her arms wrapped around him and her head was pressed against his chest.  "I could go with you," she whispered.

 

"You need to be here," J'onn said as evenly and calmly as he could hold it together.  It wasn't easy.  He'd thought about everything that Alex might say in order to justify her going or some other way that she could see for them to do things differently.  The only problem was that with every 'what if', this was always going to be the better and smarter and safer option for her...and for the child.  

 

Would he rather stay and be there to protect them?

 

With every fiber of his being.

 

Was that possible?

 

No.

 

The thing was, they'd built up a family over the years, one that had taken on a life of its own.  They were all strong and they were all trained...and they would be there in his place to protect Alex and keep her safe.  They would ensure that both Alex and the child received the medical care that they needed and they would safeguard the secret.

 

"Others will need to know," he whispered as he held her.  "Adler and Benanti...at the very least."

 

Even though there were so many agents at the DEO who they were close to, Adler and Benanti had been there longer than Alex and they were both close with her and Kara.  They'd already expressed interest in helping without even knowing the full situation. They both had a child and would understand in different ways than those who didn't have a child exactly what this meant...what it would take. 

 

"I don't want to do this without you," she cried.

 

He knew that.

 

Even though he knew that they both knew that she could handle this on her own, he knew what she meant.  He knew what he would be missing.  J'onn hated the idea of missing all of that with Alex...with this child.  This was an unexpected second chance that he didn't feel worthy of, but he'd wanted to be apart of it.  To be there to support Alex in every way along the way.  

 

"You're not going to be alone," he tried to assure and comfort.

 

It wasn't the same.

 

They both knew and thought that.

 

It didn't make it any easier.

 

"Lucy--"

 

"Shh…" he hushed as he pressed a kiss into her hair.  "I promise I won't be far…  I'll be out of sight, but close enough…"

 

"You could just change...look like someone else--"

 

"They'll expect that."

 

They both knew that was true.

 

Nothing made it easier.

 

Alex pulled back just enough so that she could take his face between her hands, her face tear stained as she stared up at him.  "I know that you don't think that you're worthy of any of this…  Of me…  Of this child…  Of this life that has been built…  If we have to be apart...for however long, then you have to  _ promise _ me something--"

 

" _ Alex _ \--"

 

"You have to promise me that no matter what happens, no matter where you go, no matter where we are...that you will always remember how much I love you...that I  _ do _ love you...that's not something that you ever have to question," Alex told him fiercely.  She raised herself up on her toes and pressed a passionate kiss to his lips.  He could feel the full force behind the kiss and her words in that moment, like the world had slowed down and they were sharing the same feelings.  

 

"I promise," he breathed out in a huff once they parted.  Their eyes still locked.  His fingers caressed her cheek and he tried to find the right words.  There was so much that he wanted to say, that he knew that should have already said.  "I love you, Alex," he managed.  In that moment, it felt like the purest and most honest he could get out in the time that they had.  J'onn kissed her quickly, held her tightly for a moment, and then pulled himself away and headed out the door with his bag.  He couldn't remain or keep talking...or else he would never leave.  

 

His heart broke even more with every step, with every feeling of Alex's that he felt.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


"Adler and Benanti are good people," he commented.  

 

"They've been asking about you--"  He stared at Kara in silent response, who just shook her head and crossed her arms in turn.  "I haven't said anything.  Which sucks.  I hate keeping secrets from Alex...from Adler and Benanti...and anyone…"

 

He knew that.  

 

He hated keeping them too.

 

"It's for their protection and yours…"

 

"I'd like to see those Cadmus people try to come after Alex here--"

 

"Better we don't show them all our cards," he said gently.  "The last thing we need is for them to come for you...to know who you are."  That was something that he'd worried about, that Cadmus  _ knew _ that Kara Danvers was Supergirl.  It was one of the reasons why he couldn't bring himself to hide halfway around the world, he needed to be close.  

 

"You're sure there's no message you want me to pass on to Alex?"

 

He couldn't think of anything.

 

He wished in that moment that they had some kind of special gesture.  Something that he could ask Kara to do, something that would be a sign to Alex that he wasn't far and that he was thinking about her.  "No…"

 

"J'onn--"

 

"Kara, what do you expect me--"

 

"Something...this is killing her…"

 

"It's killing me too."

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Like so many nights, the Danvers sisters crawled up onto the roof of their childhood home.  They sat together and stared up at the stars.  Tonight, though, things went about differently.  Kara had gone inside to grab a blanket for her sister and that was when Alex had seen the small black box.  He hadn't realized until after he'd left it on the roof that at night, it would be much harder to see.  She'd found it, though.

 

From where he hid, he watched her as she opened it and then a realization hit her.  She realized what it was.  They didn't have anything established between each other, unless you counted knowing what snacks they liked to eat at three in the morning after a difficult mission.  That wasn't the same, though, he wanted something special.  Not knowing how long it would be until they could see each other again, he thought of something for her to be able to keep with her that would remind her that he wasn't far.

 

Earth was his home now.

 

But more so.

 

Alex was his home.

 

So, he'd gotten her a necklace with Mars on it.  His once home...where he was from...for the person who held his heart...and so much more.  It was the only thing that he could think of that was fitting enough and unique.  J'onn was also certain that enough people wouldn't think twice about her wearing it, thinking it was just some odd reddish stone.  To them, it would mean so much more.  

 

"J'onn?" she whispered into the darkness.

 

As much as he wanted to whisper her name back, he stayed silent and out of sight.  For now, this was how it had to be.  

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


The End.

  
  
  



End file.
